After a two-year hiatus, I'm attempting a comeback. I have abandoned whatever principle initially compelled me to abandon this blog. I return with no plan and no goal, just a full-throttle major blogging explosion.
I shall begin with some bad knock-knock jokes.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robot.
Robot who?
Robot police! You're under arrest!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Seriously, it's the robot police.
Seriously, it's the robot police who?
Seriously, it's the ROBOT POLICE! This isn't a game! We're here for the children you kidnapped! Open up or we'll efficiently and emotionlessly bust down your door!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Row, row, row your boat.
Row, row, row your boat who?
Row, row, ROBOT POLICE! We're not joking about arresting you, though. We have a warrant to take you to jail for your numerous crimes.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
All your criminal friends.
All your criminal friends who?
All your criminal friends have been eaten alive by the ROBOT POLICE! Your only chance to avoid the same fate is to open the door and be arrested!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Orange you glad I didn't say robot police? Oh wait...crap, I screwed that one up. I meant to say, aren't you glad I didn't say ROBOT POLICE?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Boo--it's the ROBOT POLICE! And you should stop crying. We didn't actually eat your criminal friends. We are fueled by a combination of battery and solar power, not human flesh.
Thank you.
Showing posts with label Robots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robots. Show all posts
3.29.2011
7.17.2008
Smooth Operator
Hello, friends. Glad you stopped by. Life's going pretty swell. And in case you didn't know, I'm a smooth operator. That's right. A smooth operator.
I can tell that you're curious. How does one become a smooth operator? Well, let me tell you.
Actually, let me not tell you. Because I have no idea. I just am one. But I can tell you that it has nothing to do with the song, which is surprisingly dirty.
Did you know that my digestive system produces soft-serve ice cream? That's just one of the benefits of being a smooth operator. Don't worry, it's just vanilla.
Smooth operators aren't very common. And most of the time they're hiding. There could be one behind that haystack over there. Or maybe there's one in the bushes outside your house right now.
See if you can identify the smooth operator in the following pictures:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Answers:
1-the guy in the green sweater vest
2-the bald guy on the left who isn't Churchill
3-Neptune, and possibly the guy pointing at him
4-TRICK QUESTION! Robots are not smooth operators! The people in that picture are not coarse operators, but they're not smooth either.
5-the camel
6-George Washington and Thomas Jefferson
7-The sun
8-The guy with the monocle and the grandfather clock
I can tell that you're curious. How does one become a smooth operator? Well, let me tell you.
Actually, let me not tell you. Because I have no idea. I just am one. But I can tell you that it has nothing to do with the song, which is surprisingly dirty.
Did you know that my digestive system produces soft-serve ice cream? That's just one of the benefits of being a smooth operator. Don't worry, it's just vanilla.
Smooth operators aren't very common. And most of the time they're hiding. There could be one behind that haystack over there. Or maybe there's one in the bushes outside your house right now.
See if you can identify the smooth operator in the following pictures:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Answers:
1-the guy in the green sweater vest
2-the bald guy on the left who isn't Churchill
3-Neptune, and possibly the guy pointing at him
4-TRICK QUESTION! Robots are not smooth operators! The people in that picture are not coarse operators, but they're not smooth either.
5-the camel
6-George Washington and Thomas Jefferson
7-The sun
8-The guy with the monocle and the grandfather clock
6.24.2008
The Meaning of Life
I encountered an interesting bumper sticker this morning. I tend to despise bumper stickers, and this one was no exception, but it asked a question that intrigued me. Or maybe it didn't intrigue me, but it seemed worth blogging about.
The question was this:
"What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"
I have several thoughts about this, but they all revolve around the same idea. That idea being suicide. Because if this statement were true, we may as well all kill ourselves now. The alternative (a lifetime of hokey-pokey) is not especially appealing.
We've come a long way since the Rennaisance, sure, but the hokey pokey might be our last refuge for a meaningful life in this crazy world? Are video games, politics, and Cheetos no longer enough to satisfy the soul? And what if we invented robots to do the hokey pokey for us? Would we then become obsolete?
Actually, now I'm so horrified at the prospect of hokey-pokeying robots that I have to end this post. Pray that no mad scientists or mad robot-builders ever read this blog.
The question was this:
"What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"
I have several thoughts about this, but they all revolve around the same idea. That idea being suicide. Because if this statement were true, we may as well all kill ourselves now. The alternative (a lifetime of hokey-pokey) is not especially appealing.
We've come a long way since the Rennaisance, sure, but the hokey pokey might be our last refuge for a meaningful life in this crazy world? Are video games, politics, and Cheetos no longer enough to satisfy the soul? And what if we invented robots to do the hokey pokey for us? Would we then become obsolete?
Actually, now I'm so horrified at the prospect of hokey-pokeying robots that I have to end this post. Pray that no mad scientists or mad robot-builders ever read this blog.
3.28.2008
Robot Showdown, Round 1
There's really not much interesting to say about the first round of a robot battle tournament. Robots fight each other, some of them talk in funny accents, and then one explodes. Thanks to plentiful explosions, you'll never again hear from Robot Czar Nicholas, Robot Edith Piaf, Robot Soren Kirkegaard, Robot Aristotle, Robot Winston Churchill, Robot Zapata, Robot Mandela, or Robot Montezuma.
Unfortunately, I didn't witness any of these "bouts" because I was busy. I think they all happened while I was in the bathroom or eating lunch or something. I caught the highlights later, though, and they weren't as interesting as you'd expect.
Actually, robot fighting in general seemed a whole lot less interesting than what I was hoping for. That sucks. Maybe I'll go back to trying to breed minotaurs and running them through mazes.
Unfortunately, I didn't witness any of these "bouts" because I was busy. I think they all happened while I was in the bathroom or eating lunch or something. I caught the highlights later, though, and they weren't as interesting as you'd expect.
Actually, robot fighting in general seemed a whole lot less interesting than what I was hoping for. That sucks. Maybe I'll go back to trying to breed minotaurs and running them through mazes.
3.27.2008
Robot Historical Figure Showdown!
I love robots, I love history, and I love imagining what it would be like if two people fought each other, so I decided to put together the most spectacular show in the history of fake boxing and/or fake wrestling--the Robot Historical Figure Showdown! I'm selecting a few of history's greatest people, presenting them in robot form, and pitting them against another historical figure in robot form in a mechanical battle across time!
Sixteen enter, and in a process of single elimination, one robot emerges victorious as the Greatest Robot Version of a Real Person Ever! Here are your first round matches, seeded somewhat arbitrarily:
(1) Robot Charlemagne vs.
(16) Robot Czar Nicholas II
(2) Robot Wayne Gretzky vs.
(15) Robot Edith Piaf
(3) Robot Mark Twain vs.
(14) Robot Soren Kirkegaard
(4) Robot Ferdinand Magellan vs.
(13) Robot Aristotle
(5) Robot Winston Churchill vs.
(12) Robot Queen Victoria
(6) Robot Emiliano Zapata vs.
(11) Robot Thomas Edison
(7) Robot Jesse Owens vs.
(10) Robot Nelson Mandela
(8) Robot Montezuma vs.
(9) Robot Sacajawea
Wow. I have to say, these matchups were NOT planned to be like this. If I had it my way, I would not have paired up the two emperors, the two writers, the two British leaders, the two black people, and the two single-word-named Native Americans. But I am really excited for Robot Wayne Gretzky vs. Robot Edith Piaf. That's gonna be fun.
Tune in tomorrow (or possibly later today) to see how this business shakes out.
Sixteen enter, and in a process of single elimination, one robot emerges victorious as the Greatest Robot Version of a Real Person Ever! Here are your first round matches, seeded somewhat arbitrarily:
(1) Robot Charlemagne vs.
(16) Robot Czar Nicholas II
(2) Robot Wayne Gretzky vs.
(15) Robot Edith Piaf
(3) Robot Mark Twain vs.
(14) Robot Soren Kirkegaard
(4) Robot Ferdinand Magellan vs.
(13) Robot Aristotle
(5) Robot Winston Churchill vs.
(12) Robot Queen Victoria
(6) Robot Emiliano Zapata vs.
(11) Robot Thomas Edison
(7) Robot Jesse Owens vs.
(10) Robot Nelson Mandela
(8) Robot Montezuma vs.
(9) Robot Sacajawea
Wow. I have to say, these matchups were NOT planned to be like this. If I had it my way, I would not have paired up the two emperors, the two writers, the two British leaders, the two black people, and the two single-word-named Native Americans. But I am really excited for Robot Wayne Gretzky vs. Robot Edith Piaf. That's gonna be fun.
Tune in tomorrow (or possibly later today) to see how this business shakes out.
3.11.2008
The NCAA Tournament of the Future
March Madness is nearly upon us once again, and for the first time in three years, I'll actually be able to watch it. But as exciting as that may or may not be, the fun's not in watching the games, nor is it in picking the winners. The real fun lies in imagining which teams will make it to the Final Four 100 years in the future!
Before I name my picks for the 2108 Final Four, there are a few things we need to understand about the future of college basketball. One, as a result of the Big Six Conference Wars of the 2040s, most major competitive schools have been destroyed and no longer are part of the NCAA. Mid-major conferences, however, still receive no respect, and the gap is filled mostly by Robot Universities. Two, many student athletes have been killed by the robots. Three, basketball in the future is played on soccer fields and the nets are 50 feet high, in order to make the game more difficult for the robots.
Now my picks:
(2) Robot University of Southern Florida--I expect these guys to pull off the upset over #1 seed Robot University of Utah because while the Utahnanians build their robots with great endurance, they don't build them with much improvisation. The robot team from RUSF, however, is young and eager and sometimes crazy, which could surprise the Utahnanian robots.
vs
(1) Robot University of The Texas Empire--Ever since Texas took over most of Mexico and the South and the Southwest and became "The Texas Empire," they've been an unstoppable juggernaut. They'd be my pick to win it all, but like most robots, they tend to get overconfident and show-boaty, only to get embarrassed by a team of humans or something.
In the other bracket...
(11) George Mason Non-Robots--It's a real long shot I know, especially since they've got some seriously murderous competition in Los Angeles Island and Western Pennsylvania County, whose star center, The Floating Laser Orb, has killed 36 humans already this year, including the entire Lesser Michigan Non-Robot team. But these George Mason Non-Robots, assuming enough of them survive, are the most likley non-robot team to pull out the wins to make it.
vs
(1) Robot University of North Dakota--The team with the biggest robots of all (average team height of 15 1/2 ft) is a lock to make it to the Final Four. They're slightly advantaged too because their bracket has more non-robot teams than the others. Of course, if North Dakota gets nuked in the next week or two, a very likely scenario, this team may not have enough of a power source to make it through more than 2 games.
RUTE over RUSF: 1,061 to 936
RUND over GMNR: 590 to 0
RUND over RUTE: 676 to 669
Before I name my picks for the 2108 Final Four, there are a few things we need to understand about the future of college basketball. One, as a result of the Big Six Conference Wars of the 2040s, most major competitive schools have been destroyed and no longer are part of the NCAA. Mid-major conferences, however, still receive no respect, and the gap is filled mostly by Robot Universities. Two, many student athletes have been killed by the robots. Three, basketball in the future is played on soccer fields and the nets are 50 feet high, in order to make the game more difficult for the robots.
Now my picks:
(2) Robot University of Southern Florida--I expect these guys to pull off the upset over #1 seed Robot University of Utah because while the Utahnanians build their robots with great endurance, they don't build them with much improvisation. The robot team from RUSF, however, is young and eager and sometimes crazy, which could surprise the Utahnanian robots.
vs
(1) Robot University of The Texas Empire--Ever since Texas took over most of Mexico and the South and the Southwest and became "The Texas Empire," they've been an unstoppable juggernaut. They'd be my pick to win it all, but like most robots, they tend to get overconfident and show-boaty, only to get embarrassed by a team of humans or something.
In the other bracket...
(11) George Mason Non-Robots--It's a real long shot I know, especially since they've got some seriously murderous competition in Los Angeles Island and Western Pennsylvania County, whose star center, The Floating Laser Orb, has killed 36 humans already this year, including the entire Lesser Michigan Non-Robot team. But these George Mason Non-Robots, assuming enough of them survive, are the most likley non-robot team to pull out the wins to make it.
vs
(1) Robot University of North Dakota--The team with the biggest robots of all (average team height of 15 1/2 ft) is a lock to make it to the Final Four. They're slightly advantaged too because their bracket has more non-robot teams than the others. Of course, if North Dakota gets nuked in the next week or two, a very likely scenario, this team may not have enough of a power source to make it through more than 2 games.
RUTE over RUSF: 1,061 to 936
RUND over GMNR: 590 to 0
RUND over RUTE: 676 to 669
2.14.2008
Subconscious on Stage
Last night I once again had a very strange dream. Perhaps most strangely, it had no plot whatsoever. Usually dreams have some sort of conflict or driving force, like being chased by a trolley full of zombie toddlers or being faced with the existential quandary of why Death won't give hats to your elves, but this one had nothing like that.
Highlight #1: My friend Jes dressed up like Santa Claus, in a wheelchair, singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" acapella. I wish I could laugh in dreams because this is perhaps the funniest thing I've ever seen. A chorus line of people eventually came out to sing the song, and he disappeared behind them, which sucked.
Highlight #2: Me, dressed as a robot on a pogo stick, doing a tap dance routine. You may wonder how a robot on a pogo stick could do a tap dance routine, and I can tell you that I wondered the same thing as I dreamt it. But amazingly, I can tap dance pretty well as a robot on a pogo stick in the weirdest dream ever.
Highlight #1: My friend Jes dressed up like Santa Claus, in a wheelchair, singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" acapella. I wish I could laugh in dreams because this is perhaps the funniest thing I've ever seen. A chorus line of people eventually came out to sing the song, and he disappeared behind them, which sucked.
Highlight #2: Me, dressed as a robot on a pogo stick, doing a tap dance routine. You may wonder how a robot on a pogo stick could do a tap dance routine, and I can tell you that I wondered the same thing as I dreamt it. But amazingly, I can tap dance pretty well as a robot on a pogo stick in the weirdest dream ever.
1.30.2008
Great Day
Hey guys! Today was just a great day. I mean all-around just great. On my list of favorite days ever throughout history, this one wouldn't break the top 20, but it'd probably be in the top 50. When you look at that statistically, that's a really great day. And it's only going to get better--I have a great dinner ahead of me!
Still, there are number of things that would have made this day a little bit more spectacular and extraordinary. So here's a list of what those things would be, and how this day would have ranked on my list of favorite days if that thing had happened.
: Timberwolves acquire Chris Paul, Amare Stoudamire, and Magic Johnson in his prime in a four-team trade across time in exchange for Christian Laettner and our first round draft-picks in 1990 and 1993. (#40)
: A herd of sheep let loose in my office, causing not havoc but something more along the lines of a ho-down. The event is so successful that my company becomes a ranching business and keeps me on as a full-time shepherd. (#36)
: Same as above, but with a temperature of 50-60 degrees. (#34)
: The sheep and the temperature again, plus I get tomorrow and Friday off. (#33)
: Africa gets its act together. (#32)
: Robots take over the bad part of society but live in peace and friendship with the good part, which includes me and most of the people I know. (#27)
: Same as above, but the robots are dressed as lobsters and/or a funk band. Can you imagine a robot lobster funk band? It'd be so rad! (#25)
: I meet Keanu Reeves. (#19)
: Same as above, but Keanu is wearing a lobster suit. (#14)
: I save the world from evil terrorists or something with Keanu wearing a lobster suit. (#11)
Still, there are number of things that would have made this day a little bit more spectacular and extraordinary. So here's a list of what those things would be, and how this day would have ranked on my list of favorite days if that thing had happened.
: Timberwolves acquire Chris Paul, Amare Stoudamire, and Magic Johnson in his prime in a four-team trade across time in exchange for Christian Laettner and our first round draft-picks in 1990 and 1993. (#40)
: A herd of sheep let loose in my office, causing not havoc but something more along the lines of a ho-down. The event is so successful that my company becomes a ranching business and keeps me on as a full-time shepherd. (#36)
: Same as above, but with a temperature of 50-60 degrees. (#34)
: The sheep and the temperature again, plus I get tomorrow and Friday off. (#33)
: Africa gets its act together. (#32)
: Robots take over the bad part of society but live in peace and friendship with the good part, which includes me and most of the people I know. (#27)
: Same as above, but the robots are dressed as lobsters and/or a funk band. Can you imagine a robot lobster funk band? It'd be so rad! (#25)
: I meet Keanu Reeves. (#19)
: Same as above, but Keanu is wearing a lobster suit. (#14)
: I save the world from evil terrorists or something with Keanu wearing a lobster suit. (#11)
12.20.2007
The Rise & Fall of Corporate America
A Timeline of Events in the History and Future of Coporate America
AD 850 - The continents of North and South America separate from Africa, establishing their own independent (and significantly more prosperous) economy.
AD 1000 - As part of the pagan millenial celebration, Native Americans establish the New York Stock Exchange.
AD 1251 - America's first corporation, Viacom, goes public. American investors still sink all their money in buffalo futures.
AD 1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America and shortly afterward enslaves the entire American workforce, thus establishing the first modern American corporation.
AD early 1600s - British establish colonies in America, but refuse to invest in American business. Buffalo futures plummet.
AD 1773 - Colonial American entrepreneurs establish a business relationship with the Motherland for tea. Outraged, a local band of communists throws the tea into the ocean.
AD 1850s - Buffalo nearly extinct. Buffalo futures crash and most Native American investors go bankrupt. Those who survive with some money invest in Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.
AD 1863 - Slaves freed. CEOs, now forced to pay for their labor, grow large mustaches because they can no longer afford to shave.
AD 1890s - First union established; CEOs shave their mustaches out of defiance.
AD 1920s - Corporations boom for some reason. President Calvin Coolidge hailed as superhero and, among the Eastern European immigrants, supreme overlord.
AD 1929 - Stock market crashes. Everyone goes insane. Office buildings inexplicably burst into flames. Geese fly upside-down. For a period of two weeks, this baby rules the free world:
AD 1990s - A new kind of corporation is born. Slavery made legal again.
AD 2007 - I work for a corporation.
AD 2009 - Giant pandas imported from China for cheap labor. 50% of humans are unemployed.
AD 2010 - Giant pandas, able to reproduce with greater efficiency now that they have job security, turn on humans and take over society.
AD 2012 - First giant panda elected president. Remaining humans cower in fear in caves.
AD 2015 - Giant pandas, drunk on their bloated sense of power, repeal the Clean Air Act. Global warming spins wildly out of control.
AD 2020 - World temperature rises to an average of 135 degrees. United States burns down. Giant pandas decide to stick it out.
AD 2075 - Last giant panda dies of old age. American economy collapses.
AD 850 - The continents of North and South America separate from Africa, establishing their own independent (and significantly more prosperous) economy.
AD 1000 - As part of the pagan millenial celebration, Native Americans establish the New York Stock Exchange.
AD 1251 - America's first corporation, Viacom, goes public. American investors still sink all their money in buffalo futures.
AD 1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America and shortly afterward enslaves the entire American workforce, thus establishing the first modern American corporation.
AD early 1600s - British establish colonies in America, but refuse to invest in American business. Buffalo futures plummet.
AD 1773 - Colonial American entrepreneurs establish a business relationship with the Motherland for tea. Outraged, a local band of communists throws the tea into the ocean.
AD 1850s - Buffalo nearly extinct. Buffalo futures crash and most Native American investors go bankrupt. Those who survive with some money invest in Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.
AD 1863 - Slaves freed. CEOs, now forced to pay for their labor, grow large mustaches because they can no longer afford to shave.
AD 1890s - First union established; CEOs shave their mustaches out of defiance.
AD 1920s - Corporations boom for some reason. President Calvin Coolidge hailed as superhero and, among the Eastern European immigrants, supreme overlord.
AD 1929 - Stock market crashes. Everyone goes insane. Office buildings inexplicably burst into flames. Geese fly upside-down. For a period of two weeks, this baby rules the free world:
AD 1990s - A new kind of corporation is born. Slavery made legal again.
AD 2007 - I work for a corporation.
AD 2009 - Giant pandas imported from China for cheap labor. 50% of humans are unemployed.
AD 2010 - Giant pandas, able to reproduce with greater efficiency now that they have job security, turn on humans and take over society.
AD 2012 - First giant panda elected president. Remaining humans cower in fear in caves.
AD 2015 - Giant pandas, drunk on their bloated sense of power, repeal the Clean Air Act. Global warming spins wildly out of control.
AD 2020 - World temperature rises to an average of 135 degrees. United States burns down. Giant pandas decide to stick it out.
AD 2075 - Last giant panda dies of old age. American economy collapses.
10.17.2007
Filling in the Gaps
I'm a different person than I was seven and a half months ago, and because it's important that you understand the new me, here's a series of comparisons that ought to bring you up to speed.
THEN: March-September 2007 Lived in a one-bedroom apartment somewhere in south Minneapolis by myself.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Live in a four-bedroom duplex with three other guys and possibly some stranger who snuck in while I was sleeping.
THEN: April 2007 Was in a car accident where a truck hit my driver's door, so I can't roll the window up all the way, the rear-view mirror is dangling, and the door handle fell off so I can't get in on that side.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Can't get out through the driver's side anymore either, so I have to hop across from the passenger's side.
THEN: March 2007 Went on a mission trip to Peru.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 No longer in Peru.
THEN: June 18th, 2007 Owned no pets and had no plans to ever own pets.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Briefly toyed with the idea of owning a gerbil. I like their tails.
THEN: until May 29th, 2007 Youngest sister was 9 years old.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Youngest sister is 10 years old.
THEN: May 2007 The nations of the world were still ruled by men, or, for the politically correct, people.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Robots.
That about does it. See what I was talking about with the new life?
THEN: March-September 2007 Lived in a one-bedroom apartment somewhere in south Minneapolis by myself.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Live in a four-bedroom duplex with three other guys and possibly some stranger who snuck in while I was sleeping.
THEN: April 2007 Was in a car accident where a truck hit my driver's door, so I can't roll the window up all the way, the rear-view mirror is dangling, and the door handle fell off so I can't get in on that side.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Can't get out through the driver's side anymore either, so I have to hop across from the passenger's side.
THEN: March 2007 Went on a mission trip to Peru.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 No longer in Peru.
THEN: June 18th, 2007 Owned no pets and had no plans to ever own pets.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Briefly toyed with the idea of owning a gerbil. I like their tails.
THEN: until May 29th, 2007 Youngest sister was 9 years old.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Youngest sister is 10 years old.
THEN: May 2007 The nations of the world were still ruled by men, or, for the politically correct, people.
NOW: October 17th, 2007 Robots.
That about does it. See what I was talking about with the new life?
1.31.2007
Moderation: A Report
With Groundhog's Day quickly approaching, I'm anxiously awaiting writing a post about that wonderful day. In the meantime, inspired by the imminence of my once second-favorite holiday, I decided that I would set the record straight about my supposed loves and hates.
Robots: Many people believe that I love robots. While this is not far from true, it is greatly exaggerated. My "love" for robots began with my purchase of Short Circuit on DVD about two years ago. What was misconstrued as love was actually a combination of nostalgia for a robot-filled childhood and excitement over buying a decent movie for $5.99. Perhaps I took the robot thing too far in founding the facebook group "Robots are RoHOT," but I regret nothing. My robot fever subsided months later, and I am now back to being a fairweather fan of these mechanical men.
Zombies: Not that there was a real "Ben loves zombies" bandwagon, but even still I feel like I should say that my fascination with zombies was more of a reverent fear than love.
Holidays: My birthday has been my favorite holiday for some time, but just recently I feel like it should be something less selfish. However, I have yet to find a suitable replacement favorite. Groundhog's Day has traditionally held the second-favorite spot, but that was a lie from the beginning. I hate the groundhog and everything he stands for.
Starship: I have professed my hatred for Starship on many occasions, often going so far as saying that I hate Starship more than I hate Satan. There's really nothing to set straight here; my opinion has not changed.
The Color Red: Red used to be my favorite color. It's still great and beats any other color hands down, and I will argue that until I can no longer speak. But I prefer maroon these days.
Robots: Many people believe that I love robots. While this is not far from true, it is greatly exaggerated. My "love" for robots began with my purchase of Short Circuit on DVD about two years ago. What was misconstrued as love was actually a combination of nostalgia for a robot-filled childhood and excitement over buying a decent movie for $5.99. Perhaps I took the robot thing too far in founding the facebook group "Robots are RoHOT," but I regret nothing. My robot fever subsided months later, and I am now back to being a fairweather fan of these mechanical men.
Zombies: Not that there was a real "Ben loves zombies" bandwagon, but even still I feel like I should say that my fascination with zombies was more of a reverent fear than love.
Holidays: My birthday has been my favorite holiday for some time, but just recently I feel like it should be something less selfish. However, I have yet to find a suitable replacement favorite. Groundhog's Day has traditionally held the second-favorite spot, but that was a lie from the beginning. I hate the groundhog and everything he stands for.
Starship: I have professed my hatred for Starship on many occasions, often going so far as saying that I hate Starship more than I hate Satan. There's really nothing to set straight here; my opinion has not changed.
The Color Red: Red used to be my favorite color. It's still great and beats any other color hands down, and I will argue that until I can no longer speak. But I prefer maroon these days.
6.21.2006
Empty as the Universe
As usual, I have nothing to do today. And as happens every few weeks or so, I'm not enjoying the distractions that make the day go by. I quit the stupid literature forum, I forgot to bring my novel so I can't work on that, I can only check sports updates so often, and I don't feel like reading B.M. Bower's Flying U Ranch. So I guess it's back to blogging. Expect nonsense.
Like this.
There were these two dogs walking through the woods. One was big, the other was small. "I like being small," the small one said. "So do I," said the big one. "But you're big," the small one replied. "So are you," said the big one. And the small one exploded. Turns out he was an evil robot.
Like this.
There were these two dogs walking through the woods. One was big, the other was small. "I like being small," the small one said. "So do I," said the big one. "But you're big," the small one replied. "So are you," said the big one. And the small one exploded. Turns out he was an evil robot.
5.03.2006
Famous Robots
I can't believe I didn't discover it before.
The Robot Hall of Fame
I've spent the last 15 minutes discussing this wonderful institution. It's the first hall of fame I've ever seen with consistent integrity. Past inductees include R2D2, HAL 9000, and the Mars Rover. We're not just dealing with fictional robots, here.
Optimus Prime is currently leading the running for the next induction, and two of my favorite robots, Bender Bending Rodriguez and Johnny 5, are in the top 10. I just nominated Mega Man; hopefully he'll make the cut some day.
I'm glad that I'm not a robot.
The Robot Hall of Fame
I've spent the last 15 minutes discussing this wonderful institution. It's the first hall of fame I've ever seen with consistent integrity. Past inductees include R2D2, HAL 9000, and the Mars Rover. We're not just dealing with fictional robots, here.
Optimus Prime is currently leading the running for the next induction, and two of my favorite robots, Bender Bending Rodriguez and Johnny 5, are in the top 10. I just nominated Mega Man; hopefully he'll make the cut some day.
I'm glad that I'm not a robot.
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