An Old Friend

Today I ran into an old ex-girlfriend. It was a little awkward. Here's how it went.

BEN: Oh. Hey, Yaris.
TOYOTA YARIS: Hi.
(awkward pause)
YARIS: So...how've you been?
BEN: I've been all right. How about you?
YARIS: Better. It was a rough couple months at first, but I'm getting my life back together. Are you seeing anybody?
BEN: Yeah, I have a really great girlfriend.
YARIS: Oh. OK.
BEN: Geez, Yaris, don't be like that.
YARIS: I'm sorry. I can't help how I feel.
BEN: Did it not work out with any of your other drivers?
YARIS: Sure, they were all right, but none of them were you.
BEN: I wasn't that great. I did put sugar in your gas tank when we broke up.
YARIS: I still have trouble starting sometimes. It reminds me of you.
BEN: Well, uh, I should get going.
YARIS: We should get together sometime.
BEN: I'd really rather not. I don't have collision insurance.

(For previous Yaris dialogues, click here.)

Yaris Day!

I decided that today I'm only going to post about my pal Yaris. Here's one of our recent conversations.

Unspar: Did you see that hailstorm last night, Yaris?
Yaris: Yeah, I was in it.
Unspar: Your flawless body doesn't show it.
Yaris: Oh stop.
Unspar: No, I'm serious. Not a dent or a scratch to be seen.
Yaris: (blushing) It's the reinforced steel, really.
Unspar: You're too modest.
Yaris: You flatter me.
Unspar: So what do you wanna do tonight?
Yaris: Let's go ice skating!
Unspar: Haha!
Yaris: What?
Unspar: You'll break the lake!
Yaris: Are you saying I'm fat?
Unspar: Of course not, Yaris.
Yaris: I'm fat.
Unspar: No, every car out there is fatter than you.
Yaris: The Volkswagens are thinner.
Unspar: Uh...
Yaris: And prettier.
Unspar: Well, they do have nice shapes.
Yaris: (starts crying)
Unspar: It's OK, Yaris, it's OK. Don't cry.
Yaris: Maybe we're moving too fast.
Unspar: But it's normal to go 5 over the limit.
Yaris: They make those limits for a reason, you know.
Unspar: C'mon, Yaris. I can't drive 55!
Yaris: Too bad, cuz I'm not going over 20.
Unspar: 20?! Aw shucks!
Yaris: If you don't like it, you don't have to drive me at all.
Unspar: But you get such excellent gas mileage.

Yaris

Apparently, many of you have been wondering what a Yaris is. If the preceding post answered that question, you're probably wondering what's going on with this Yaris obsession.

So yeah, Yaris is a car. It's not a very special car. It's just really cheap and gets good gas mileage. That is Yaris.

Now behind my love for Yaris. It started out with cautious interest--I liked that it was cheap and got good gas mileage. But after that fake conversation I had with it, I realized two things. One: Yaris is a great word, and Two: Yaris is a great conversation partner with potentially a lot of great things to say. I even began to think that Yaris was a great friend. And this blossomed into what may become one of the most famous love stories the world will ever know.

I can't explain it; these things just happen. I get swept up in some random idea until it turns into something I don't understand and can't control. But that's love, I guess.

#200

Man, I was planning on whining about all the regular stuff I always whine about on here, then I find out this is post #200 and I need to do something special. Crap.

To hell with special. I tried to make a picture of the "Ben Robison Rainbow," but stupid MS Paint kept warping the colors of everything. Some rainbow to have the wrong colors.

Anyway, I made a different picture instead. I give you "Keanu Driving a Yaris!"



It's better when it's bigger. Click on it.

A Day As Long and Glorious As Eternity

Today, for the first time ever in the history of my time at Cigna (and I realize I say that a lot, but excuse what may seem like hyperbole), I worked the entire day. Or almost. 8:30-4:30, so I fell a half hour short. That's still seven hours, though. Pretty impressive, huh?

I had three critical incidents, all of which took forever. I made at least 20 calls on each case, left tons of messages, and still dealt primarily with refusals all day. I struck out--meaning I couldn't find someone--on my first case ever today. To say the least, it was trying.

Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for prayer, grace, God, etc., this day would have been unbearable. This morning I was reminded about how suffering produces endurance, and now I know how. Suffering doesn't produce endurance because it wears on us but because we struggle against it and defeat it. Granted, this was just a struggle to finish a meaningless task, but it taught me that suffering passively is pointless. I need to engage in it if I want to go anywhere.

For those of you who prefer funspar...
Coming Soon: More Conversations with Yaris!
Unspar: Will you marry me, Yaris?
Yaris: I was just going to ask you the same question!

What will they come up with next?

My Conversation with the New Toyota Yaris

Unspar: You're pretty cheap.
Yaris: Yes!
Unspar: And you get great gas mileage.
Yaris: Yes!
Unspar: So what's the catch?
Yaris: Catch?
Unspar: Yeah. What's the deal?
Yaris: There's no deal. I'm just awesome!
Unspar: Nuh-uh.
Yaris: Whaddaya mean?
Unspar: I don't buy it.
Yaris: C'mon! Please? I'm so affordable!
Unspar: Only if you tell me the truth.
Yaris: Please don't make me.
Unspar: Fine. I'm leaving.
Yaris: No wait! I'll tell you...but you have to promise not to tell anyone else.
Unspar: Out with it.
Yaris: I'm manufactured in sweatshops...by kittens.
Unspar: I knew it!
Yaris: I'm not done. Also, when the kittens die from exhaustion, the men throw their corpses into the fire that powers the assembly line. And they use kitten skins to make the seats.
Unspar: Yikes.
Yaris: I'm sorry.
Unspar: No, it's OK.
Yaris: It's OK?
Unspar: I don't like cats.
Yaris: Hooray!