Most of you think toothpaste is just for people who want their teeth to be shiny and their breath to be bearable to the rest of the world. That's all great, but now it's appealing to the people who like free music. Just last night, I got three (3) free downloads on Aquafresh's dime.
Some of you know my musical taste is eclectic, and while I wish I could say that my downloads reflected that, I can't. I did not download Vangelis, Grandmaster Flash, and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. My songs were:
"Wouldn't it Be Nice" by The Beach Boys
"Sugar, We're Goin Down" by Fall Out Boy
and "Fields of Gold" by Sting
I think these three songs will be all I listen to for the next month or so. I already burned a CD with nothing but them.
7.31.2006
I Give Up
Things and people other than myself who won this weekend:
Air conditioning
I finally caved on my resolution to not use air conditioning for the entire summer. It was just too hot this weekend. A man should not sweat in his own home, I think, so I decided that I'd be better off with the air conditioning, even if that means more than doubling my electric bill. It may have been too late, though; my brain already feels a little fried.
Christine
Christine beat me and Anna Leisa at Star Wars Monopoly. The game probably would have gone til 5 AM if I hadn't sold her all my property for like $1000, but she would have won anyway. It was a pretty good game for reasons I can't recall.
Frozen Custard
Not like I've been boycotting Liberty Frozen Custard, but this week marked the first visit I made there in the eight months I've lived down the block. It was good, not great, but I prefer frozen custard to ice cream, so it's cool.
My Cousin Miles and My Uncle Gerry
I played Mafia with my family this weekend. It was pretty great and a little surreal, what with the old people. Miles was the mafia nearly every single round, and the round he got teamed with Gerry, they took me out right away. Apparently I talk too much.
The Detroit Tigers
Those first two games really pissed me off. In the first one, you get Liriano pitching one of the best games ever--12 strikeouts in 8 innings? holy crap--only to have Rincon allow a winning run for the Tigers in the 10th, and in the second game stupid Kyle Lohse allows 2 runs like usual that debatably lost the game. Why the Twins keep this guy on the team I'll never understand. At least we won game 3, though it makes no sense how that happened.
Air conditioning
I finally caved on my resolution to not use air conditioning for the entire summer. It was just too hot this weekend. A man should not sweat in his own home, I think, so I decided that I'd be better off with the air conditioning, even if that means more than doubling my electric bill. It may have been too late, though; my brain already feels a little fried.
Christine
Christine beat me and Anna Leisa at Star Wars Monopoly. The game probably would have gone til 5 AM if I hadn't sold her all my property for like $1000, but she would have won anyway. It was a pretty good game for reasons I can't recall.
Frozen Custard
Not like I've been boycotting Liberty Frozen Custard, but this week marked the first visit I made there in the eight months I've lived down the block. It was good, not great, but I prefer frozen custard to ice cream, so it's cool.
My Cousin Miles and My Uncle Gerry
I played Mafia with my family this weekend. It was pretty great and a little surreal, what with the old people. Miles was the mafia nearly every single round, and the round he got teamed with Gerry, they took me out right away. Apparently I talk too much.
The Detroit Tigers
Those first two games really pissed me off. In the first one, you get Liriano pitching one of the best games ever--12 strikeouts in 8 innings? holy crap--only to have Rincon allow a winning run for the Tigers in the 10th, and in the second game stupid Kyle Lohse allows 2 runs like usual that debatably lost the game. Why the Twins keep this guy on the team I'll never understand. At least we won game 3, though it makes no sense how that happened.
7.28.2006
I Heart Politics
For some reason, I've been reading a lot of political stuff on blogs and in person lately. This confuses me a little because we're not really that close to November yet. But it is pretty hot out, and I suppose it's hard not to babble when you're on the verge of heat stroke.
Normally, I don't like to talk about my political opinions. I have two reasons for this. One is I'm right, and the other is you're wrong. So what's the point? But since some people seem to think they're right, I feel the need to address their complaints.
God gave us the monarchy for a reason and that reason is so we didn't have to vote. He saw the ignorance of the masses and decided something to the effect of, "These people have no idea what's going on, so I'm going to give them a king to smack them in the jaw so they stop yammering like idiots." The monarchy gave us several centuries of peace and good will, completely without the thoughtless mouth-wagging of the mud-besmirched peasants. Good times all around.
And then what happens? America decides they don't want to pay taxes. Well, I'm sorry, idealists and revolutionaries, but everybody has to pay taxes. You'd have been better off drinking that tea. I bet it was good, too. The Motherland makes some great tea. Then the French come along, inspired by America's disdain for luxury food and beverage, and decide to behead their glorious monarchs. And from then on, nothing but chaos.
So here we are in the Twenty-first or Twenty-second century, and we're back to flapping our yaps at leaders because they're the ones who don't know what's going on. Did you ever stop to think that our leaders suck because we elected them? Didn't think so. I say we go back to divine mandate. Like heirs and bloodlines, prophecy, protracted civil wars, and magically bestowed swords.
Normally, I don't like to talk about my political opinions. I have two reasons for this. One is I'm right, and the other is you're wrong. So what's the point? But since some people seem to think they're right, I feel the need to address their complaints.
God gave us the monarchy for a reason and that reason is so we didn't have to vote. He saw the ignorance of the masses and decided something to the effect of, "These people have no idea what's going on, so I'm going to give them a king to smack them in the jaw so they stop yammering like idiots." The monarchy gave us several centuries of peace and good will, completely without the thoughtless mouth-wagging of the mud-besmirched peasants. Good times all around.
And then what happens? America decides they don't want to pay taxes. Well, I'm sorry, idealists and revolutionaries, but everybody has to pay taxes. You'd have been better off drinking that tea. I bet it was good, too. The Motherland makes some great tea. Then the French come along, inspired by America's disdain for luxury food and beverage, and decide to behead their glorious monarchs. And from then on, nothing but chaos.
So here we are in the Twenty-first or Twenty-second century, and we're back to flapping our yaps at leaders because they're the ones who don't know what's going on. Did you ever stop to think that our leaders suck because we elected them? Didn't think so. I say we go back to divine mandate. Like heirs and bloodlines, prophecy, protracted civil wars, and magically bestowed swords.
7.27.2006
Max Power
According to one of my coworkers, I'm the most powerful person in my company. Why? Because they like me a lot and they need me for...whatever it is I do, and I don't need them at all.
I don't think it's true, but I'm going to start pretending it is. This afternoon, I'm going to invite my CEO down here--I mean up here--to let him know about a few changes I'd like to see. I'll have the meeting start at 3, but I'll tell him it starts at 3:30, so when he arrives a half hour late, I'll fire him. Better yet, I'll make him a slave in my diamond mines. Could always use more slaves.
Phase 2: get an ice cream machine.
I don't think it's true, but I'm going to start pretending it is. This afternoon, I'm going to invite my CEO down here--I mean up here--to let him know about a few changes I'd like to see. I'll have the meeting start at 3, but I'll tell him it starts at 3:30, so when he arrives a half hour late, I'll fire him. Better yet, I'll make him a slave in my diamond mines. Could always use more slaves.
Phase 2: get an ice cream machine.
You Had Me at Hello, Wisconsin
Yesterday (and possibly the day before since I check my mail so infrequently) I received two letters from Wisconsin, and my love for the state and the university has grown a few feet taller. First, I opened a thank you note from the UW Foundation that thanked me for my $50 gift to the university. They also gave me a Bucky luggage tag as a token of their appreciation. I have no need for a luggage tag, but I have a great need for anything containing the image of Bucky, so after a moment of hesitation, I fell in love with the tag.
My second letter came from the Wisconsin Union, once again requesting I purchase a lifetime membership. It gave a top ten list of reasons to join the Union, and you could tell that they couldn't really come up with more than two or three, and the only one that matters is the terrace. But then I read one of the lower reasons. It said something like, "You love the Union. Admit it." That floored me. You're right, Union. I do love the Union. So I'm sending in my check for lifetime membership.
You win, Wisconsin.
My second letter came from the Wisconsin Union, once again requesting I purchase a lifetime membership. It gave a top ten list of reasons to join the Union, and you could tell that they couldn't really come up with more than two or three, and the only one that matters is the terrace. But then I read one of the lower reasons. It said something like, "You love the Union. Admit it." That floored me. You're right, Union. I do love the Union. So I'm sending in my check for lifetime membership.
You win, Wisconsin.
7.26.2006
Dear
From now on, I begin every letter with the word "Dear," sometimes maybe "Dearest" if I feel so inclined. Why? After a long line of getting sick of things (the internet, rock music, facebook, etc.), I am now sick of the word "Hey." Not thoroughly sick of it; it's far too deeply ingrained in my vocabulary for me to disregard it completely. I'm only cutting myself off from it in writing where I can control what I say. While I'm at it, I think I'm going to swear off email all together. And cell phones.
I Just Dropped in To See What Condition My Condition Was In
Last night me and Jess were playing NBA Hang Time, as bros are wont to do, and we sucked hard. Our first game was good--we started out kinda poor as Jess tried to figure out what the buttons do, but then we came back for a dominant second half. Jess ended up making a 3-pointer at the buzzer to force overtime--I stood up and cheered I was so excited--but then we got absolutely killed. Overtime wasn't even an option in the other two games.
What was most disturbing, though, was the spot where you enter your name. I tried to enter "Buttzo," but the game blew the whistle at me and wouldn't let me do it. Then I tried "Buttzy," but that didn't work either. And by now time was running out. I tried simply "Buttz," but that also failed. I finally settled on "Buty," which is so far from what I originally wanted that I nearly cried.
Then we watched The Big Lebowski and ate some excellent Papa John's pizza. It was a night that belongs in dreams, except for that travesty of naming. That part of the dream should be destroyed by evil zombies.
What was most disturbing, though, was the spot where you enter your name. I tried to enter "Buttzo," but the game blew the whistle at me and wouldn't let me do it. Then I tried "Buttzy," but that didn't work either. And by now time was running out. I tried simply "Buttz," but that also failed. I finally settled on "Buty," which is so far from what I originally wanted that I nearly cried.
Then we watched The Big Lebowski and ate some excellent Papa John's pizza. It was a night that belongs in dreams, except for that travesty of naming. That part of the dream should be destroyed by evil zombies.
7.25.2006
The Longest Punking of All Time
A couple months ago, my coworker Steve changed the color of his emails to teal. Everything he sent showed up in my inbox as teal. Today I just found out that this was a long-running practical joke on yours truly.
Apparently, Steve snuck onto my computer while I was away and changed the color of messages I receive from him. For the longest time, I thought everybody received in teal. But it was just me.
I found out because I tried to change the color of the messages I sent. I sent a message to Steve entitled "Color me Badd," and to add to the embarrassment of that subject line, it turned out I was neither colored nor badd.
Apparently, Steve snuck onto my computer while I was away and changed the color of messages I receive from him. For the longest time, I thought everybody received in teal. But it was just me.
I found out because I tried to change the color of the messages I sent. I sent a message to Steve entitled "Color me Badd," and to add to the embarrassment of that subject line, it turned out I was neither colored nor badd.
7.24.2006
Pennies from Heaven
Here at Cigna, we've had a penny in one of our urinals for the last month or so. Until today, I didn't get it. I just thought a penny fell out of some idiot's pocket while he was peeing. I also thought that an idiot was playing with pennies as he peed, and maybe the penny got slippery and he dropped it. But today, I realized it was a joke. A dada inside-joke, as it were.
This particular "work of art" is called Fountain. And that's why a penny in a urinal is a joke.
This particular "work of art" is called Fountain. And that's why a penny in a urinal is a joke.
Changing Horses
I recently read about some English girl in France who got fired for writing about her life on her blog. Not like she just got fired for journaling, but she talked about her boss and her job and stuff, and when the company found out, they got really pissed and fired her. Even though she never named the company, the employees, or herself. Sounds stupid, but that's France for ya.
Anyway, I decided that it might be prudent of me to no longer say that I work at Cigna. I mean, you guys all know that I work at Cigna. You've heard me complain about it. That's old news. New news will no longer include the name of my company.
I would, however, like to hear a case that I got fired because my blog damaged the value of our stock or our company's reputation or whatever. It'd be incredible to hear someone read my Yaris dialogues in a courtroom.
Oh, I just remembered, that chick also got fired for blogging from work. So it's a good thing I live in America.
Anyway, I decided that it might be prudent of me to no longer say that I work at Cigna. I mean, you guys all know that I work at Cigna. You've heard me complain about it. That's old news. New news will no longer include the name of my company.
I would, however, like to hear a case that I got fired because my blog damaged the value of our stock or our company's reputation or whatever. It'd be incredible to hear someone read my Yaris dialogues in a courtroom.
Oh, I just remembered, that chick also got fired for blogging from work. So it's a good thing I live in America.
#2: Justin Timberlake
Many of you were surprised by my sincere Keanu fandom, but prepare to be even more surprised. Not only am I a sincere fan of a "bad" actor, I am a sincere fan of pop star Justin Timberlake.
Until yesterday, my love for Justin was one a part of my personality that I took for granted. But when Anna Leisa and Rachel discovered it, they were shocked. I don't know why. He's a great singer and a great performer. I'd be more surprised if someone didn't like him.
Remember, this is absolutely for real! I'm not pretending to like my boy JT for laughs. And I'm seriously excited for the new album. Because Justin's bringing sexy back.
Until yesterday, my love for Justin was one a part of my personality that I took for granted. But when Anna Leisa and Rachel discovered it, they were shocked. I don't know why. He's a great singer and a great performer. I'd be more surprised if someone didn't like him.
Remember, this is absolutely for real! I'm not pretending to like my boy JT for laughs. And I'm seriously excited for the new album. Because Justin's bringing sexy back.
7.21.2006
The Dreams Return
Last night's dream once again featured zombies. More like zombie-like creatures, really. Actually, they were giant ears of corn with arms and legs. There were two of them, and they were total jerks. They looked a little bit like this:
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