The Schemes of Bears

Two bears are eyeing a campsite and the people therein.

BEAR #1: So you’re saying, if we kill those humans and take their clothes, they’ll finally let us into the movies?
BEAR #2: Absolutely.
BEAR #1: It just doesn’t sound like it’ll work.
BEAR #2: Listen, I’ve been studying this for weeks now, and the only difference between us and the people they let into the movies is clothes.
BEAR #1: But we’re also much bigger and harrier than people.
BEAR #2: That’s why we tell them that we’re wrestlers.
BEAR #1: Oh.
BEAR #2: Our wrestler names will be Kodiak Bear and Grizzly Bear.
BEAR #1: Won’t that give away the fact that we’re bears?
BEAR #2: Oh, right. I just really like being a bear.
(pause)
BEAR #1: Anyway, I still think there’s gotta be a better way to get into the movies than wearing people clothes and saying we’re famous wrestlers with bear names.
BEAR #2: There’s not. Believe me, I’ve thought about this a lot.
BEAR #1: What about renting a movie?
BEAR #2: I can’t even believe you’d suggest that.
BEAR #1: We have a pretty big TV.
BEAR #2: No. Not when we could go see a movie in real 3-D on a screen eight bears tall and twelve bears wide.
BEAR #1: Oh, I just remembered that they don’t rent to bears anymore.
BEAR #2: Why not?
BEAR #1: I don’t know. Last time I went to rent a movie, they just said no bears. They didn’t give me a reason.
BEAR #2: Then even more reason to kill the humans, steal their clothes and pretend to be wrestlers.
BEAR #1: Maybe we could steal their clothes without killing them.
BEAR #2: Explain.
BEAR #1: Like, when they’re sleeping, we just go into their tent and take their clothes.
BEAR #2: You mean like take their clothes off of them?
BEAR #1: Well, we could, but that would be difficult. I meant like taking the clothes from their bags.
BEAR #2: I still prefer the killing option.
BEAR #1: But they might not let us into the movies if our clothes are bloodied and torn up by bear claws.
BEAR #2: Hmm…but they might let us into the hospital if they thought we were humans who had been attacked by bears. And then we can escape from the hospital and sneak into a movie!
BEAR #1: That is the worst idea—
HUMAN: Look, bears! Everybody run!
BEAR #2: Let’s just get em and go with the hospital idea.
BEAR #1: Fine.