Bees Unleashed

I always thought there should be more bees in the news. Cuz everyone likes bees, right? What's not to like about bees? They're like clowns, only funnier and more obviously striped.

So today my hopes were finally realized: "Driver in bee-infested crash ordered something something whatever." I don't know if you need to read the story, since there's a lot of non-bee-related stuff in there. Just check out the following paragraph.

Styrbicky's semi was likely traveling at a "pretty high" speed when it crushed two cars into the back of the other truck hauling more than 17 million bees, Roeske said. Firefighters at the scene battled through clouds of bees released when their hives were destroyed. The cars and the other truck had stopped for road construction.

Wow, seventeen MILLION bees! What if you had your windows down? The bees would pour in! They'd have nowhere else to go but into your car! Your car would become more bee than machine. The hum of the motor would actually be the hum of hundreds of bees that are now controlling your engine. Need to get gas at the next exit? Think again, because your car now runs on bees and bees alone.

And once the bees take over your car's steering, they'll drive you to the nearest bee compound where they'll keep you captive for months. They'll feed you bees for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You'll start to think like a bee, and your correspondence to your family and friends will have an increased usage of the letter "z." Your bee masters will gradually increase your diet of bees until the bees inside you take control and transform you into a hideous human-bee hybrid.

The bee-people will be much more efficient workers than regular people. Regular people will lose their jobs as companies hire bee-people at lower wages. Regular people will spend what little money they have on exorbitantly priced non-bee products, like combs and windows, and bee-people will grow in economic power and take over society. The bee-people will elect a bee president, and the bee president will make it illegal to eat anything but bees, and we'll all become bee-people who re-elect the bee president for an unprecedented 13 terms. Only after 52 years under the tyranny of the same bee will we realize that it was actually several different bees, and we could never tell the difference.

Considering the likelihood of this frightening scenario, we should get to work on writing a Constitutional amendment that prohibits bees from being elected to executive office.