Rock Bands of the '80s Interview Series: Part 1

Interview with REO Speedwagon

ME: Thanks for coming, guys!
DAVE AMATO: What? Where the hell are we?
KEVIN CRONIN: Mmmhmm...grmmm....
DAVE AMATO: Wake up, Kevin!
NEAL DOUGHTY: Kevin! Wake up!
KEVIN CRONIN: What? What's going on?
NEAL DOUGHTY: We don't know. We just woke up here too.
BRUCE HALL: Hey, let us go, man!
ME: So what would you say are your guys' biggest influences?
KEVIN CRONIN: Was I drugged?
DAVE AMATO: We all were.
BRUCE HALL: We're all tied up too!
KEVIN CRONIN: Why is it so dark? Where's Bryan?
BRYAN HITT: Hello?
NEAL DOUGHTY: Bryan? Are you awake?
BRYAN HITT: I think so. Are we still playing that show tonight?
DAVE AMATO: I don't know, Bryan. I don't know.
BRUCE HALL: So are you gonna untie us, or what?
ME: Guys, guys, calm down. Let's talk about your first album.
NEAL DOUGHTY: This guy's completely insane.
BRUCE HALL: We're gonna have to try to escape. Bryan, you distract him while we make a run for it.
BRYAN HITT: How come I'm always the distraction?
KEVIN CRONIN: Cuz you didn't play on any of our good albums.
BRYAN HITT: Neither did Dave.
DAVE AMATO: Shut up!
KEVIN CRONIN: Oh man, I think I'm gonna throw up.
BRUCE HALL: Are you gonna torture us or something, man?
ME: Great story, fellas. Well, that's all the time we have! Thanks for making it out here, REO Speedwagon. (Gets up and leaves)
BRUCE HALL: Hey! You can't just leave us here! We're REO Speedwagon!
NEAL DOUGHTY: Technically only Kevin and I are REO Speedwagon. We're the only original members.
KEVIN CRONIN: (pukes all over himself)
BRYAN HITT: There's no way out, is there?
DAVE AMATO: Guys, since we may not make it out of here alive, I just want to say, I'm sorry for writing "Take it on the Run."
NEAL DOUGHTY: Dude, Gary wrote that song.
DAVE AMATO: I know, but since I took his place, I take responsibility for it.
NEAL DOUGHTY: You're such a douchebag. If I didn't play keyboards, I would so kick you out of the band.
BRYAN HITT: Guys?
BRUCE HALL: Yeah Bryan?
BRYAN HITT: Do you think anybody's gonna miss us?
(pause, during which Kevin mumbles the lyrics to "Keep on Loving You" to himself)
NEAL DOUGHTY: No.
BRUCE HALL: Yeah, probably not.
KEVIN CRONIN: I've wasted my life.