Ways this will improve my life:
-Thanks to layers and mucus and what I assume are other unrelentingly pleasant bodily fluids, I will always be warm and comfortable. Whenever I start to feel a little chilly, I can just tuck myself a little deeper in that cozy pouch, rub up extra close to that soft tissue, and warm right up.
-I will never be lonely because I will always have a kangaroo buddy to keep me company. I imagine us becoming something like heroes of the Old West. I'd be the straight man who does all the hard work, and the kangaroo would be the bumbling, wise-cracking sidekick who accidentally saves the day in the end.
-I will probably be in Australia. Most kangaroos do live in Australia, after all. The rest live in zoos. I do not want to live in a kangaroo in a zoo. As much as the rhyme makes that proposition attractive, I do not want to expose myself to ridicule for my aberrant lifestyle.
-Most kangaroo predators are extinct, and most of my predators would be too slow. We would be almost unstoppable. And I could probably teach the kangaroo how to camouflage, so the bears wouldn't even be able to see us.
Ways this will maybe not be such a great idea:
-It will be crowded. Once some joeys start showing up (unlikely, though, since I'm sure to scare off any potential kangaroo mates), there's not going to be a lot of room inside this kangaroo. And I'm not going to sell my stamp collection to make space for a mooch.
-Bouncing up and down will probably make me motion sick. Not that I have much experience traveling in jumps or leaps, but I expect it will be jarring to my stomach.
-My favorite foods will not be readily available, and it will be difficult to go grocery shopping. I haven't read a lot about kangaroos yet, but I'm guessing they don't make a lot of pizza or tacos. And I've seen many a kangaroo get kicked out of a grocery store, so there must be some kind of "no kangaroos" rule that would keep me from buying the food I want.
-Kangaroos are difficult to steer. Say I want to go left, but the kangaroo wants to go right. I have no idea how I'm going to handle such a dilemma.
