Cake vs. Pie

When I was a young lad, I always hated pie and loved cake (unless it was angelfood cake, which is gross). Eventually, I came to see the two as polar opposites, like matter and anti-matter. This, of course, is not true.

But wouldn't it be hilarious if they were polar opposites? It would probably start with extended families being divided over serving pie at Thanksgiving or cake at some birthday party, then there'd be wars over which dessert should be served more often, and pretty soon the universe would end when cake and pie touched each other. Intense.

So hey, how come people never eat birthday pie? How come it's always birthday cake? If it's because falling face-first into a cake is safer than falling face-first into a pie, then that was remarkably well-thought out by whoever thought it out.