I refuse to do what work there is yet to do today, so I decided to compare my workday to Dante’s descent into Hell because my workday so closely resembles Dante's descent into Hell. For those unfamiliar with the Inferno, Dante describes nine circles of hell, each progressively more evil than the next, beginning with Limbo, the home of the virtuous pagans.
Circle One (Limbo): I begin the day with a slightly indifferent, slightly positive attitude, yet I have a vague hollow feeling at being deprived of home and bed for the next eight and a half hours. I work, and I exist, but I feel like nothing.
Circle Two (The Lustful): Umm…I don’t think this circle really applies to work. At least not until I do it in the elevator, and that’s highly unlikely.
Circle Thee (The Gluttons): I get really really hungry, but I’m not allowed to eat until 12. Jerks.
Circle Four (The Avaricious and Prodigal): I revive my energy with the thought that I’m making a lot of money. But the work for it is like pushing and pulling a giant rock back and forth. (The rock has a money sign drawn on it.)
Circle Five (The Wrathful): So I start to get angry. And some jerk starts ramming a boat in my face. It’s uncomfortable.
Circle Six (The Heretics): Why not lose hope? I’m buried here for the next couple years, so why believe in anything? Except that I still believe in the existence of the soul because of the constant torment of it.
Circle Seven (The Violent): Eh, not my thing. But this circle is home to the sodomites, and I sometimes feel like I’m being sodomized. Makes you think.
Circle Eight (The Fraudulent): This is the part when I sleep during lunch.
Circle Nine (The Traitors): The worst of the members of this circle get chewed up by Satan for eternity. So my company’s like Satan, and for my treachery of comparing the company to Satan, I am eaten alive. Fitting.
And so ends my descent. When Dante finished his journey through Hell, he climbed up the mountain of Purgatory to Paradise. So I guess I have more metaphors to look forward to. Hooray.
1 comment:
If you can get me fired and still assure me a salary, I'd definitely go for it. An American Beauty move perhaps? Draft some plans, let me know.
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