April is probably the worst month of the year. You expect a little bit of springtime at long last, finally some relief from our long winter's bitter depression, but instead Jack Frost takes one last stab at our hearts and kills whatever hope we may have had. At least in January you know what you're getting into. Because April consistently raises my hopes only to sadistically crush them, it is the biggest jerk there is.
Perhaps typical of a backstabbing jerk, then, this month gets it all rolling with April Fool's Day, the only day I can think of that celebrates the humiliation of the people you care about. The only day worse than April Fool's Day is Leap Day, but you know, I'm a little grateful for Leap Day holding April Fool's Day off for one more day than usual this year.
I remember when I was in junior high, my brother rigged the bathroom sink so that it sprayed me in the face. Ruined my whole day. I think he also rigged the kitchen sink to do the same thing, come to think of it. It happened about twelve years ago, and it still might ruin my day today.
Seriousy, no day makes me despise mankind and myself more than this unholiest of days. If any of you tries to pull anything, our friendship is over. Or maybe not over, but it'd be on probation. Or someday I'll just burn your house down. Who's the April Fool now?
5 comments:
What's wrong, Unspar, are you allergic to water? Maybe you're the jerk, not the entire month of April!
You're probably thinking April's OK because of the beginning of the baseball season. But you know what would have happened yesterday if we had our new stadium? NO BASEBALL.
Actually, that was my April Fools prank to you -- calling you a jerk. I don't really think you are a jerk.
Now, please don't burn my house down.
Go Metrodome!
You have a condo, Mark. I couldn't very well burn a single unit down.
Just hope that none of the other people in your building cross me today.
Post a Comment