The Republican debate was on last night, and it was disappointing. Whatever happened to the stunt competition? And the Parade of Candidates? Petting zoo? Campaigns just aren't fun anymore.
The debate taught my friends and me a few things about politics, though. Or I guess it didn't teach us this stuff--we mostly inferred it from what we thought was happening.
1. VP stands for Vampire President. I don't know if that means our VPs are vampires themselves or if they just have authority over the vampires. Either way, they still mean nothing to me.
2. Men love torture. Thanks to CNN's breakthroughs in polling technology, we got to see a second-by-second graph of the audience's reactions to the debate. They broke it down by gender. When somebody said that he opposed torture, the "men" line went down at least two points. I'm guessing that a significant portion of the guys were disappointed to learn that they were not watching 24.
3. Not voting is better than voting. Let's get serious, people. This government charade has gone on long enough. We don't want anybody to be president for the next four years. Elect nobody! Don't vote or die!
4. Anderson Cooper is not running for president. Or maybe he is. I really couldn't tell.
5. Names matter. We didn't know the names of half the people on that stage. This isn't a low-budget indie film, America. We need name recognition. Star power. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's all we need. Don't tell me about how you saved that war memorial--just yell your name at me a few times.
2 comments:
I wish I would have watched this with you and your friends. I would be a better man.
I wish Anderson Cooper was running. Now there's some star power. Who would win in an election between Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer? I think the winner would clearly be The Ubiquitous Monkey. Everyone vote The Ubiquitous Monkey!
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