A World Without Pockets

Hey Everybody,

What if there were no pockets?

Really think about it for a second.



By now you realize what an integral invention the pocket really is. Perhaps more important than the wheel or the printing press. My pockets give me places to hold my wallet, cell phone, and keys. They give young lovers places to put each other's hands so they can discreetly pinch one another's butts. They're altogether miraculous.

If there were no pockets, we would not have money because no one would have any place to put their cash. Instead we would exchange physical beatings for goods and services. A black eye would buy a new blender or toaster. Two broken ribs would earn you a new television. Make it four or five if you want HD.

If there were no pockets, there would be no locks because there would be no convenient place to put your keys. People would hire lions or Ninjas or spaceships to defend their homes against intruders. Of course, those services are billed by the month, the repetitive injury crippling the majority of the population for life.

If there were no pockets, there would be no more children because no one would be able to pinch his or her partner's butt without being too obvious, thus making it impossible to flirt and thereby rendering all sexual attraction moot. The human race would be extinct in one generation.

Let's be thankful that we live in a world not without pockets.