El Sol

The weatherologists are saying that the sun is finally making its permanent return to our sky after months of random several weeks-long disappearances. The whole country's spirits seem to be rising, and a wave of optimism that our policitians predict will last for the next dozen years is upon us. Unfortunately, that attitude blinds us to our impending doom. But that's usually the case, isn't it?


While the sun may seem nice and friendly from a distance, this is what it looks like up close. And unbeknownst to un-weatherified people, this is how we'll be seeing it in a few short months. That is, if we're not disintegrated first.

That's right, the sun is on a collision course for earth. I don't have anything insightful to say about that. I do want to be clear, though, that the sun is coming to us, not vice versa. But don't think that because we're orbiting that it might miss us. It definitely won't.

How do I know all this? Because I'm from the sun.