Lazerz

I don't think we talk about lasers enough. I'm left unsatisfied by the bi-weekly laser discussion groups. We've got to expand this. We've got to get the whole world talking about lasers.

I'll start things off by talking about how lasers are awesomer than other things.

Lasers vs. the Interweb
The Interweb is way better than the Internet, but it still doesn't hold up to lasers. If the Interweb were a person, it wouldn't even exist anymore because it would be disintegrated by lasers.

Lasers vs. Marsupials
I don't know if you've seen any marsupials lately. Probably not because they've all been destroyed by lasers. Or if you did see any, I'm sure they were hiding lasers in their pouches next to their babies.

Lasers vs. Diamond
Lasers can't destroy diamonds, but they're still better than diamonds. Because if you have a giant pile of diamonds, somebody could still come in with a couple lasers and say, "Gimme all your diamonds," and you'd do it.

Lasers vs. Memorial Day
Veterans rule, as do paid holidays. Even still, lasers make any day better than Memorial Day. And if you had lasers one day and Memorial Day the next, you'd end up just wanting the lasers back. You'd probably even go to work on Memorial Day next year because lasers are just that good.

Now you should say something about lasers.