6.09.2008

Cyclops

Meet my new roommate: the Cyclops.

Hello.  I'm the Cyclops.
The Cyclops is a jerk. I didn't really notice at first, which is why I said he could move in with me, but it's just gotten worse and worse. It started with him never doing the dishes, but now he's luring wayward ships and explorers into our apartment and then crushing them with boulders. I know that there weren't any stipulations about crushing people with boulders in the lease, but there shouldn't have to be.

On top of all that, I try to talk to him about the problems, but he just bellows punches the walls. Come to think of it, he's only spoken in grunts and yells since he moved in. He might be illiterate. I guess you shouldn't make fun of somebody who's illiterate--especially when they only have one eye to begin with--but he doesn't need to be a jerk about it. I mean, if I was illiterate, I wouldn't go around yelling and punching things. I'd ask somebody to teach me how to read.

Mad on the outside, sad on the inside.
Don't get all sympathetic with him. He's a total jerk. I'm serious. If you tried to hug him and make him feel better, you'd be crushed beneath a rock in seconds. Never understimate how big of a jerk the Cyclops can be. That's one thing I've learned through all this. And also don't make monocle jokes. Hilarious though they may be, they will get you crushed by rocks. I've seen it happen too many times.

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