World Peace

This world is what most pundits would call a shambles. Nuclear bombs, wars, earthquakes, nation rising against nation. Why can't we all just get along? It's a question that's plagued the more naive among us for at least two generations. It's not an especially important question, nor is it especially funny. So why am I asking it? Because I know the answer, and I like rhetorical questions better than regular questions.

We can't get along because we don't like each other very much.

I happen to have the perfect solution to this problem. And I propose it to you, my relatively small (though increasingly spunky) readership, in the hope that you will talk about it a little bit and some important world leaders will overhear you on the bus.

Here's the idea: an international buddy system. We pair up nations of different cultures and backgrounds in hopes to foster greater understanding. We'll send our nation pairs on a month-long retreat in Vermont, and at the end they have to write a report about all the things they learned about each other.

Think about it. China and Sweden. Iran and Australia. Mexico and the Czech Republic. The world's problems will be healed in a matter of minutes!

Of course, if a nation's end-of-retreat report isn't up to standards, there are consequences. We'll send them so many ducks that they won't be able to sit down. We'll pave their streets with banana peels. We'll have a really boring-sounding guy read them science textbooks.

This is why, come November, I'm going to vote for as many hippies as I can. I don't know their names yet, but I'll make them up if I have to.