The Man Who (Thankfully) Had No Superpowers

"Quack," said the duck.
"What was that?" asked the man, who somehow believed the duck had insulted him.
The duck stared at him silently.
The man got particularly angry at that and said, "You're lucky I don't turn your pond into a volcano, or that I don't freeze it with my mind."
The duck cocked his head to one side, his confusion having grown beyond what his equilibrium could handle.
"Shut up," said the man.

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Later, the man was in the locker room at the gym.
"I almost turned a duck pond into a lake of fire this morning," he told another gym patron.
"What?"
"Well, I would have. This duck really pissed me off."
"You're not serious, are you?"
"I'm always serious," the man replied. He wanted to grow a mustache right in that instant so that he would look more serious, but he hadn't the power to do it. Instead, his towel fell off.
The other man laughed. "Man, now I can never take you seriously."
"You'd think differently if I had a mustache," he replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Dude, get that eyebrow down and just put your towel back on."

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One week later, the man went out for a bike ride. He was enjoying the day when all of a sudden a ladybug assaulted him. It landed right on his burgeoning mustache.
"Drat! A ladybug!" he exclaimed, and he nearly crashed trying to brush it away. "If only I were made of electricity," he said to himself, "then whatever touches me would be electrocuted. I'd never be bothered by bugs again."
Then he crashed his bike into a tree.
A duck strolled up to him and looked him in the eye. If the man could read the duck's thoughts, and of course he couldn't, he would have been able to tell that the duck was wondering if he was OK.