Blogger's in the process of converting all its functions over to Google Accounts and making it many ways more like wordpress. Unfortunately, only a few blogs are being invited to this new option at a time, and the one of mine that made the change was Flipper's. I brought Flipper back to life yesterday only to screw everything up.
What frustrates me--and I publish this because I need to vent about it--is that I accidentally used my real Google account for my fake blog. Even though I have a fake Google account for my fake blog. And it won't let me change it. And since it's permanently attached to my account, I won't be able to import the real blog to the real account on top of it.
For now, everything's fine (I guess). I guess it just means I'll have to export Flipper's blog and delete it. That'll keep me busy today.
10.18.2006
Catholic Disaster
Last night I dreamt that I went to a Catholic mass. I went with somebody who was not Catholic and had no idea what was going on, and that made for some seemingly bizarre incidents. Like when we prayed, this person insisted we all hold hands (which, upon reflection, I realize I've done with actual Catholic people).
The communion was the strangest part, though. Instead of wafers and wine, the communion was given with Teddy Grahams and boiling water served straight from the pot. I used a styrofoam cup for the water, though.
THE END.
The communion was the strangest part, though. Instead of wafers and wine, the communion was given with Teddy Grahams and boiling water served straight from the pot. I used a styrofoam cup for the water, though.
THE END.
10.17.2006
Get Me Out
Today my coworker turned to me to talk about last night's football game. I didn't see it because I don't have cable, but she told me about it anyway. That was fine. But then she started telling me how cute quarterback Matt Leinart is.
This is a problem. I must have been here far too long if my female coworkers think they can chat with me about what football players are cute. Granted, I can discuss the manly charms of Tiki Barber with dudes, but I'm not going to be put in that girlfriend role. That's just weird.
This is a problem. I must have been here far too long if my female coworkers think they can chat with me about what football players are cute. Granted, I can discuss the manly charms of Tiki Barber with dudes, but I'm not going to be put in that girlfriend role. That's just weird.
10.16.2006
Melt
I've been hoarding paper clips almost since the day I started working here. I have a decent number--not enough to completely fill my desk drawer but still far too many for me to ever use, especially since I never use paper clips here.
So I just came up with a plan: whenever I quit this job (please, Lord, soon), I'm going to take all the clips I've amassed and possibly some more and melt them down into a little silver ball. I think I'll throw a party. The Melting Party.
Maybe it'll become an annual event. People can bring whatever they want to melt, and we'll melt it all down in a ball. Or we can do a different shape every year. This'll be bigger than high school reunion.
So I just came up with a plan: whenever I quit this job (please, Lord, soon), I'm going to take all the clips I've amassed and possibly some more and melt them down into a little silver ball. I think I'll throw a party. The Melting Party.
Maybe it'll become an annual event. People can bring whatever they want to melt, and we'll melt it all down in a ball. Or we can do a different shape every year. This'll be bigger than high school reunion.
Understanding My Readers
Today I decided to dust off the old site meter and take a look at who is reading Garbage: Left, Recycling: Right (which is becoming a more and more unsatisfactory title). There's not a lot that I didn't expect, aside from the one person who asked google, "Do you have any recycling bens?" and found me. To answer the question, yes I do. I have one. It is me.
Also of note, my popularity is rising in Unknown Country. In the last several days I have had a whopping 8 hits from this enigmatic nation, accounting for nearly one-tenth of my readership. I don't know if these people can speak or read English, if live on land or beneath the sea, or even if they're actually reading my blog. Nonetheless, I appreciate your presence here, anonymous apatriots, and I salute your invisible flag. Mazel tov!
Also of note, my popularity is rising in Unknown Country. In the last several days I have had a whopping 8 hits from this enigmatic nation, accounting for nearly one-tenth of my readership. I don't know if these people can speak or read English, if live on land or beneath the sea, or even if they're actually reading my blog. Nonetheless, I appreciate your presence here, anonymous apatriots, and I salute your invisible flag. Mazel tov!
Unspar Editorial: North Korea
A lot of people are talking about North Korea having nuclear weapons, and as my opinion is more valid than most (by virtue of having a blog with an orange background), I thought people should know what I think so they can change their minds.
Point One: Why are we not scared out of our minds? The North Korean ambassador to the UN said upon the approval of the sanctions, "If the United States increases pressure on the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the DPRK will continue to take physical countermeasures considering it as a declaration of war." HOLY CRAP. Now I'm not one to take the threats of foreigners seriously (he didn't even bang his shoe on his desk), but we might have something to worry about here. Maybe we should bomb them first? That said, I trust President Bush's diplomatic approach and the increased pressure he continues to apply to the DPRK to solve this problem.
Point Two: Why can't North Korea have nuclear weapons? Why can't every country? Whatever happened to freedom and equality? If we really want to liberate these "rogue nations," shouldn't our freedom be an example to them? Sanctions cost this great planet its freedom: its freedom to indiscriminately destroy one another as certain madmen and tyrants see fit. Don't even mention how uncomfortable I am with how arbitrary we are with which countries can have nukes and which can't. I mean, if you want to put the kibosh on the Axis of Evil's nuclear capabilities, fine, I understand. But France? Do our leaders realize the risk their putting us in?
Point Three: Where is North Korea anyway? I couldn't find them anywhere on a map of the Middle East. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough.
My Proposed Solution: In times of crisis like this, we need to look to the mainstays of our nation's leadership: Hollywood. I say we combine the lessons of Navy Seals, Back to the Future 2, Surf Ninjas, the Bruce Willis collection, and a couple zombie movies. We get Charlie Sheen in a building with Kim Jong-Il, give him a magic Game Gear that can see the future, and travel back in time to stop Biff from stealing the sports almanac, all while fighting off a growing army of zombies. If there's a better way to stop a nuclear apocalypse, I haven't heard of it.
Point One: Why are we not scared out of our minds? The North Korean ambassador to the UN said upon the approval of the sanctions, "If the United States increases pressure on the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the DPRK will continue to take physical countermeasures considering it as a declaration of war." HOLY CRAP. Now I'm not one to take the threats of foreigners seriously (he didn't even bang his shoe on his desk), but we might have something to worry about here. Maybe we should bomb them first? That said, I trust President Bush's diplomatic approach and the increased pressure he continues to apply to the DPRK to solve this problem.
Point Two: Why can't North Korea have nuclear weapons? Why can't every country? Whatever happened to freedom and equality? If we really want to liberate these "rogue nations," shouldn't our freedom be an example to them? Sanctions cost this great planet its freedom: its freedom to indiscriminately destroy one another as certain madmen and tyrants see fit. Don't even mention how uncomfortable I am with how arbitrary we are with which countries can have nukes and which can't. I mean, if you want to put the kibosh on the Axis of Evil's nuclear capabilities, fine, I understand. But France? Do our leaders realize the risk their putting us in?
Point Three: Where is North Korea anyway? I couldn't find them anywhere on a map of the Middle East. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough.
My Proposed Solution: In times of crisis like this, we need to look to the mainstays of our nation's leadership: Hollywood. I say we combine the lessons of Navy Seals, Back to the Future 2, Surf Ninjas, the Bruce Willis collection, and a couple zombie movies. We get Charlie Sheen in a building with Kim Jong-Il, give him a magic Game Gear that can see the future, and travel back in time to stop Biff from stealing the sports almanac, all while fighting off a growing army of zombies. If there's a better way to stop a nuclear apocalypse, I haven't heard of it.
Our Roads Are Ruined
Yesterday, on the outskirts of downtown Minneapolis, I saw a tumbleweed. It lay there in the middle of the street, ready to tumble onward with its metaphorical implications of desolation, while dozens of cars drove on around it. How it ended up in downtown Minneapolis, we'll never know (speculators guessed it fell off the back of a truck, but what would a tumbleweed be doing on the back of a truck?). Perhaps the Coen Brothers are back in town.
Then today on my way to work, traffic was really backed up. Unfortunately, it wasn't the tumbleweed holding things up, but there was "debris on the road" (that's what the big sign said). They closed a lane because of debris? A) We can probably drive on debris, and B) Did we get bombed? Then I discovered that a semi overturned and crashed into the median barrier and knocked chunks of pavement onto a lane. Hence the debris. So if anybody's taking 35W, watch out.
Then today on my way to work, traffic was really backed up. Unfortunately, it wasn't the tumbleweed holding things up, but there was "debris on the road" (that's what the big sign said). They closed a lane because of debris? A) We can probably drive on debris, and B) Did we get bombed? Then I discovered that a semi overturned and crashed into the median barrier and knocked chunks of pavement onto a lane. Hence the debris. So if anybody's taking 35W, watch out.
Notice Anything Different?
As of last night at about 10:10, I made a drastic change in my life. It may jar or frighten some of you, so you should probably sit down (but if you're standing while you're at your computer, we have different issues to discuss). Here it is:
I stopped wearing my "One" bracelet.
I wanted to know what it's like to be braceletless again. It's been probably almost two years now, and I can't remember what my right hand looked like without a white band around the wrist. But now that era is over. Now begins the era of liberty! My wrists will run wild and free!
I think my wrists are already growing. Pretty soon I might not be able to touch my thumb and middle finger around them. After that, I might be able to lift things! This is gonna be great!
I stopped wearing my "One" bracelet.
I wanted to know what it's like to be braceletless again. It's been probably almost two years now, and I can't remember what my right hand looked like without a white band around the wrist. But now that era is over. Now begins the era of liberty! My wrists will run wild and free!
I think my wrists are already growing. Pretty soon I might not be able to touch my thumb and middle finger around them. After that, I might be able to lift things! This is gonna be great!
10.10.2006
In the News
I hear North Korea has nuclear weapons. I find this darkly ironic. Though I find it slightly less ironic when I remember we had a war with them some 50 years ago. Does this mean Iraq will finally have nukes in 50 years? Assuming there's still an Iraq (or an Earth) to speak of at that point, I wouldn't doubt it. If I had a glass of champagne, I would raise it to toast enriched uranium. Cheers.
Apparently there's a study on how women wear more fashionable clothing when they're pregnant. Considering how the vast majority of women at any given time are not pregnant, I don't see how could this could be true. But there's a study. I guess that means I better start shopping at the maternity store. I'm thinking mumu. (Correction: that's fertile women, not pregnant ones. But there's only a small difference, so I'm still getting that mumu.)
And YouTube sold out. I'm surprised Google didn't own it earlier, really. I'm half-expecting Google to travel back in time buy the whole internet. I wonder: How long before Google starts buying the rights to people? Or if not people, meta-people, meaning individual blogs. The bidding on Garbage: Left, Recycling: Right starts at $250,000. That's pretty cheap if you ask me. And it won't be long before I start artificially inflating the value, so better get while the gettin's good.
Apparently there's a study on how women wear more fashionable clothing when they're pregnant. Considering how the vast majority of women at any given time are not pregnant, I don't see how could this could be true. But there's a study. I guess that means I better start shopping at the maternity store. I'm thinking mumu. (Correction: that's fertile women, not pregnant ones. But there's only a small difference, so I'm still getting that mumu.)
And YouTube sold out. I'm surprised Google didn't own it earlier, really. I'm half-expecting Google to travel back in time buy the whole internet. I wonder: How long before Google starts buying the rights to people? Or if not people, meta-people, meaning individual blogs. The bidding on Garbage: Left, Recycling: Right starts at $250,000. That's pretty cheap if you ask me. And it won't be long before I start artificially inflating the value, so better get while the gettin's good.
The Ghost of Myself
Everybody [in the blog world, so nobody real] is talking about what they did this weekend. I feel like I should join in. After all, it's Tuesday, and the weekend is becoming a distant memory to many of us.
Have any of you heard the song "Our Weekend Starts on Wednesday" by Hey Mercedes? I like the song, but it's pretty standard as far as guitar music goes, and by the time it's over you're mostly thankful that only two minutes have passed, but for once I could identify with it. My weekend started on Wednesday.
I took Thursday, Friday, and yesterday (Monday) off because I hadn't taken a day off in what seemed like years. It was a much needed break, during which I did almost nothing. While other "people" had ragers at apple orchards and ate family dinners and lived their tumultuous lives, I watched movies and slept on the couch. I also went to a wedding, planned a bachelor party, and dropped a grand on some new bling, but that stuff isn't important. The sleeping and movies part was easily the highlight.
And that's why I haven't had an entry in five days. Maybe now that I'm awake, I can start talking about interesting things. Unlikely, but we can always hope. I suggest you start engineering interesting things to happen to me. I've never had a dead pigeon thrown at me from a moving car....
Have any of you heard the song "Our Weekend Starts on Wednesday" by Hey Mercedes? I like the song, but it's pretty standard as far as guitar music goes, and by the time it's over you're mostly thankful that only two minutes have passed, but for once I could identify with it. My weekend started on Wednesday.
I took Thursday, Friday, and yesterday (Monday) off because I hadn't taken a day off in what seemed like years. It was a much needed break, during which I did almost nothing. While other "people" had ragers at apple orchards and ate family dinners and lived their tumultuous lives, I watched movies and slept on the couch. I also went to a wedding, planned a bachelor party, and dropped a grand on some new bling, but that stuff isn't important. The sleeping and movies part was easily the highlight.
And that's why I haven't had an entry in five days. Maybe now that I'm awake, I can start talking about interesting things. Unlikely, but we can always hope. I suggest you start engineering interesting things to happen to me. I've never had a dead pigeon thrown at me from a moving car....
10.04.2006
Emergen-C
'Tis the season to start getting sick again. I almost have my first cold of the season, but I might have caught it early. Right now it's just an itch in the back of my throat, so if I use the right combat tactics, I'll feel fine tomorrow morning.
My first attack was this little powder packet of vitamin C called "Emergen-C." All you have to do is mix it in water and drink. Pretty easy.
The thing that amazes me about this thing is the nutrition label on the back. This little packet has 1,000 mg of vitamin C, accounting for 1,667% of your daily value. I have enough vitamin C in me now to last me almost 17 days! It also includes 500% of B6 and 417% of B12. I'll be sure to have another before I go.
My first attack was this little powder packet of vitamin C called "Emergen-C." All you have to do is mix it in water and drink. Pretty easy.
The thing that amazes me about this thing is the nutrition label on the back. This little packet has 1,000 mg of vitamin C, accounting for 1,667% of your daily value. I have enough vitamin C in me now to last me almost 17 days! It also includes 500% of B6 and 417% of B12. I'll be sure to have another before I go.
10.02.2006
Parallel Lives
Unfunny October has begun, and after Day 1's horrifying racist jokes, Day 2 brings confusing birthday coincidences.
October 2nd is the day on which we celebrate the birthday of both Gandhi and Groucho Marx. They were born a mere 21 years apart, though I doubt Gandhi was getting drunk with his bros while Groucho's bespectacled, mustached, and cigar-chomping mug emerged from his mother's womb.
Just think about it. While Groucho was making Duck Soup, Gandhi was on a hunger strike. When Groucho said, "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member," Gandhi was probably on another hunger strike. And while Groucho was celebrating his birthday, Gandhi was celebrating his (though he had to abstain from cake, I assume).
Monumental world figure and crusader for independence born alongside a comedian. It's fitting in a post-modern, 21st-century way. Too bad they were both born in the 19th century. And if they were alive today, they'd be very old. Together.
October 2nd is the day on which we celebrate the birthday of both Gandhi and Groucho Marx. They were born a mere 21 years apart, though I doubt Gandhi was getting drunk with his bros while Groucho's bespectacled, mustached, and cigar-chomping mug emerged from his mother's womb.
Just think about it. While Groucho was making Duck Soup, Gandhi was on a hunger strike. When Groucho said, "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member," Gandhi was probably on another hunger strike. And while Groucho was celebrating his birthday, Gandhi was celebrating his (though he had to abstain from cake, I assume).
Monumental world figure and crusader for independence born alongside a comedian. It's fitting in a post-modern, 21st-century way. Too bad they were both born in the 19th century. And if they were alive today, they'd be very old. Together.
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