Unspar Editorial: North Korea

A lot of people are talking about North Korea having nuclear weapons, and as my opinion is more valid than most (by virtue of having a blog with an orange background), I thought people should know what I think so they can change their minds.

Point One: Why are we not scared out of our minds? The North Korean ambassador to the UN said upon the approval of the sanctions, "If the United States increases pressure on the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the DPRK will continue to take physical countermeasures considering it as a declaration of war." HOLY CRAP. Now I'm not one to take the threats of foreigners seriously (he didn't even bang his shoe on his desk), but we might have something to worry about here. Maybe we should bomb them first? That said, I trust President Bush's diplomatic approach and the increased pressure he continues to apply to the DPRK to solve this problem.

Point Two: Why can't North Korea have nuclear weapons? Why can't every country? Whatever happened to freedom and equality? If we really want to liberate these "rogue nations," shouldn't our freedom be an example to them? Sanctions cost this great planet its freedom: its freedom to indiscriminately destroy one another as certain madmen and tyrants see fit. Don't even mention how uncomfortable I am with how arbitrary we are with which countries can have nukes and which can't. I mean, if you want to put the kibosh on the Axis of Evil's nuclear capabilities, fine, I understand. But France? Do our leaders realize the risk their putting us in?

Point Three: Where is North Korea anyway? I couldn't find them anywhere on a map of the Middle East. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough.

My Proposed Solution: In times of crisis like this, we need to look to the mainstays of our nation's leadership: Hollywood. I say we combine the lessons of Navy Seals, Back to the Future 2, Surf Ninjas, the Bruce Willis collection, and a couple zombie movies. We get Charlie Sheen in a building with Kim Jong-Il, give him a magic Game Gear that can see the future, and travel back in time to stop Biff from stealing the sports almanac, all while fighting off a growing army of zombies. If there's a better way to stop a nuclear apocalypse, I haven't heard of it.