Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou, I must turn down your request to be my wife because I don't like your books or poetry. I've never read anything you've written, but since I'm mildly psychic, I can read your mind and tell that it's much too full of swears for my taste. Also, I can't be seen in public with anyone wearing a mumu.
Demi Moore
I know I'm better than Ashton in pretty much every conceivable way (I know because I'm psychic), and that's why it makes it all the harder for me to turn you down. Pity isn't a good reason to marry someone, Demi, and while I'm sorry that you have to lie about your age to be accepted in Hollywood, and I'm sorry that your a necrophiliac (are you sure your mind doesn't mean nymphomaniac?), marrying me won't make any of that go away. And please put Striptease 2 out of your mind.
That Girl I work with who I think is named Miranda
I'm glad I'm psychic because if I wasn't, I would probably say yes. You're a very attractive person, but I'm more than a little disturbed by the dungeon of your previous husbands in your basement. If you really want me to marry you, you'd let them go. I don't care what evil scheme you're collecting them for; you just can't keep people prisoner like that. I think there's some provision against it in the Geneva Convention.
Big Bird
Yes. Wait, are you a girl or a guy? I'm not that psychic.
Jean Grey
I'd really really like to say yes, but I'm afraid our psychic powers will come into direct competition. I can't tolerate someone being more psychic than me because I'm very possessive of my psychic powers, so we probably wouldn't get along very well. Even if could deal with your awesome psychic powers, I'm pretty sure we'd get bored of each other because we'd be able to read each other's mind all the time. Reading minds instead of having conversations would turn into interrupting thoughts with insults and dirty jokes. That's not the kind of life I want to live, and it's not the kind of life you deserve.
Swiss Miss
What? There's turds in your cocoa? No thanks.
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1 comment:
Big bird is a guy Ben. I'd say your best bet is Miranda, although her dungeon fixation is somewhat disturbing. The Geneva Convention only covers POW's, and the saying goes "All's fair in love and war" so love and war are not the same thing. I'd advise you to stay single and wait for someone better to come along.
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