New Phone

I got a new phone yesterday. Thankfully I didn't have to pay for it. Because, while this is definitely a good phone, it's lacking a few important things. I should say too that I'm not very high maintenance when it comes to phones--I don't need a camera, the internets, music, or holograms. There are, however, a couple things that I expect every phone to have, and this phone does not have them.

Most conspicuously missing is a jet propulsion system. I can't stand having to lift my phone to my ear and keeping it in my pocket. Pretty much the only way I'll use a phone is if it hovers by my ear and jets around behind me so I don't have to carry it. How can you even call a cell phone convenient if it doesn't float around? Having to hold it and everything is really more of a nuisance than it's worth.

Also, I'm extremely disappointed that it doesn't have lasers. I can understand why you wouldn't put lasers on a phone that doesn't have a jet propulsion system cuz they kind of go together, but then why don't you just install both? I mean, a phone without jet propulsion is bad enough, but a phone without lasers is just plain unsafe. What if I'm about to be crushed by a meteor? Looks like I'd be out of luck cuz my phone doesn't have lasers.