I Pretend That People Care About Music

The Spin Doctors: Judgment in Ben's Room.

The charge: so horribly failing the test of time.

Witnesses: "Two Princes"

Testimony: Prince 1--"From the get go, we just wanted to get laid. We didn't care what it took. It was never about writing good muisc. So we wrote this song, hoping that it would get chicks into our pants. And it worked as well as it could, considering we rarely showered and all that smelly hippie crap. Anyway, we didn't think the song would last. Pretty much as soon as we showered, the music went sour. Funny twist of fate. I laughed."

Prince 2--"I can't really disagree with what he just said. I mean, I never knew anything about music. I just picked up some dude's guitar once at a bonfire after he went off to make out with some chick. I started strumming a few strings, and suddenly there was a swarm of girls around me. So I figured I'd write a song about how a girl can do whatever she wants to me. It was really repetitive, sure--I only know like three or four chords, maybe five if I'm lucky--but it got the job done. At least until the song got old, and that didn't take very long."


Decision: Five years in Very Gay State Prison.

Comments from the judge: "Prosecuting counsel advised I give you guys fifteen years, and that wouldn't be unfair. But your song never got stuck in my head for long, so I let you off easy. Be thankful you don't have much talent."