Yesterday Was Awesome

I had a "conversation" with a coworker yesterday via email. Here are the high points, condensed so it makes sense.

BEN: I'm used to you being delusional, so this was nothing new.
NICOLE: Uh oh...now I'm paranoid. What if I am with an uncute guy?? How will I ever know? Have I gone blind? Lost my mind? Am I a hunchback? An oger (how do you spell that?!) maybe? Are you really Seth Cohen? Or maybe you really look more like John Wayne. Who are you anyways???
B: I'm actually James Bond's younger brother, Marty Bond. But don't tell anybody. Because it's not true. I can get why you'd guess John Wayne, though. After all, I always wear cowboy hats.
N: Yeah, it was definitely the hat that got me thinking that. Thanks for clearing that up. I think I type kind of fast. That's weird how that thought just got stuck in there. I don't like James Bond. Sorry, Marty...I just don't.
B: Whoa now. You don't just go around expressing dislike for James Bond to James Bond's brother. That's definitely going to incur the wrath of James Bond's brother, which is definitely going to incur the wrath of James Bond, which is definitely a kind of wrath you do not want to incur. You might have been shot by now. If not, my brother is just biding his time.
N: What are you talking about? You can't prove that I did anything.
B: It's not my fault that I got a message containing your name together with the statement "I don't like James Bond." It may be my fault that I ordered (well, requested) your assassination, but that's beside the point. I'm much less responsible than whoever sent that email and whoever commits the assassination.
N: -Official Notice of The United States Department of Justice-
This is to notify you that this email has been sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Assassination is a federal crime and violates statute M6454A5457SF444DGV22145741 by federal mandate. You are now being officially investigated. You may as well jump off of a bridge now.
B: Whoa, did you see that impostor run out of here? He was wearing exactly the same clothes as me, but I think his name tag said Marty something. Wonder what the deal with that was. So, what've you been up to?
N: I did see him, actually. That was pretty strange. Who are you?
B: Who am I? I'm Ben.
N: Ben??? Never heard of ya.
B: You've never heard of Ben? Ben who single-handedly slew three dragons at the Cave Tarranor? Ben who sailed around the world twice with a crew of only seven able-bodied men? Ben who won three Olympic gold medals in Track and Field, Ski Jump, and Figure Skating? Ben who tied the world record for most consecutive hours break-danced (shared with Chevy Chase)? Ben who drank a gallon of rat poison, then invented human cloning and cloned himself before he died? Ben who killed Godzilla and enslaved Japan? You haven't heard of Ben?
N: Nope. Never heard of you. Where do you sit?
B: I sit in a throne in a castle in the clouds. Right next to Eddie Van Halen.

This went on for a while and resolved with Nicole claiming she was Queen of the Universe and me telling her that Eddie was going to kill her with a guitar solo if she didn't shut up.