I know this isn't a "pop culture" blog. I know this is a blog that defies whatever adjective the deranged masses might try to foist upon it. I know that. And in a way, that's why I'm offering you my Oscar picks. But in another more accurate way, shut up.
And I refuse to provide the nominees. Why? I'm too lazy to type them out. Even too lazy to copy them over.
Best Director
I pick...John Waters for Brokeback Mountain. It's about time this director proved his talent with a respectable film. Not that I have anything against Pink Flamingos--haven't seen it, don't want to--but you can only go so far in shock cinema, and there comes a time when you have to go back to your homosexual roots and "keep it real," as it were. My hat is off to you, John Waters.
Best Actress
I pick...Judi Dench for whatever she was in this year. It's a close race, though. You've got Charlize, and she's hot, then there's Keira, who's also hot, and Reese, who's hot as well, and Felicity who might be hot if she wasn't playing a transsexual. But let's face it, the Academy likes to give their awards to the uggos. Judi wins.
Best Actor
I pick...Dustin Hoffman, who, as far as I can tell, was not in a movie this year. Everybody thinks Truman's the favorite, and they're probably right, but I don't like it. The Oscars need to throw a pie in everybody's face every now and then, and the Best Actor race is ripe for a Dustin Hoffman meringue.
Best Picture
I pick...Brokeback Mountain. It's just such a powerful film. It moved my family to tears (not true), the gay community to riotous laughter (somewhat true; the gay people in the theater when I saw it laughed riotously), and my girlfriend to break up with me and seek a gay cowboy boyfriend (not true; didn't have a girlfriend; still don't). And how can you ignore a film that brought real gay cowboys to Tyra Banks' daytime talk show? You can't. At least not if you have a speck of decency in your soul.
[The remainin picks, without commentary:
Best Supporting Actress: Albert Finney for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Best Supporting Actor: Busta Rhymes for Ghostbusters 2
Best Animated Feature: Juwanna Mann
Best Art Direction: Kool Aid: The Movie
Best Cinematography: The Biography of Seymour Buttz
Best Costume Design: Condor Man
Best Documentary Feature:
And that's where I gave up.]
1 comment:
Yes, yes, then there's the uggo-Nicole Kidman who won as well.
So you can take my comment a number ways: 1) I'm wrong; 2) I'm criticizing the Academy for picking the faux-uggos instead of the real uggos; 3) I'm being contrary to the Academy for picking actresses who play roles contrary to their hotness.
Honestly, I don't think they should give a Best Actress award this year.
P.S.-From a review of Kool Aid: The Movie--"A roller-coaster ride of thrills, kills, and spills. The best movie based on a food product I've ever seen!"
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