A Network of Nonsense

Yesterday I got a little toy astronaut for a gift. But this isn't a story about how I got, it's a story about what happened afterwards.

This astronaut comes from a company called Ticomix, and there's a website printed on the astronaut for me to check out. So I checked it out. I half-expected it to be some corporate comic book ("Ticomix" = "Ty Comics"?). I mean, the astronaut carries a wrench and has claws; maybe that's his superpower? Failing that, I figured it had to be some sort of pharmaceutical product. I was wrong on both counts.

Ticomix is in all probability a ghost company or a money-laundering front. Their slogan is "A network of solutions," which is exactly like saying, "We don't do anything." If they actually do something, most of the people who work there probably don't know what it is. Things they "do" include "data conversions" and "technical system evaluation," and one of their products is called "gismo." Not making this up. I almost wish they would at least pretend they were a real company, but that wouldn't be as entertaining.

The astronaut is part of a program they have that simulates Apollo 13. Like they make people play Houston and try to get the astronauts back home alive. It looks like work groups or schools go to wherever-this-place-is and Ticomix throws them in a room and says, "You have 10 hours before your astronauts die. Good luck." It's supposed to be a learning experience. And it costs $250, which supposedly saves you $450. I'm sorry, but if I'm spending $250, I am saving nothing. They better give everybody a puppy for that kind of entry fee. A space puppy, actually.

They have a customer quote on their website from the Rock Valley Federal Credit Union that says, "You and your staff have done a wonderful job and I look forward to our ongoing relationship." This is the kind of thing you say to a janitor. Or a mob boss. But I think that devalues what janitors and mob bosses do for our society.

This astronaut toy is seriously making my day, though.