Or, Why I Should Own a Sports Franchise.
I've never really wanted to own a sports franchise until today. I always thought I'd be fine as a simple attendant, but today I realized that any faltering sports franchise really needs me. Here's the short list of changes I would make to any given franchise that would allow me to buy them.
1. I would give the court/field/arena a more variable topography. Rather than your typical flat or "even" playing fields, mine would have mounds, cliffs, and perhaps alligators that players would have to contend with. Play would be much more interesting in all cases except baseball, where the alligators would probably eat half the team before the batter could strike out.
2. If the game gets boring, I reserve the right to changes sports mid-event. A lopsided football game could become a tight basketball game. Of course, the court/field/arena wouldn't change, which could make for a pretty low-scoring basketball game (or, should basketball become football, a very high-scoring football game). I think I would most enjoy changing sports to hockey.
3. Whatever building my team plays at would have only unisex bathrooms so as to eliminate the awkwardness of peeing in a trough.
4. Before every game, three national anthems would be performed. "The Star Spangled Banner," "O Canada," and a third to be picked at random 10 minutes before the game begins.
This is just the beginning.
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6 comments:
Someone had a late night last night, "I reserve the right the changes sports mid-event."
What does that even mean? That's going to drive me insane until I get an answer.
It means that if the sport you're spectating is football, and the end of the first quarter comes, I can make all the football players play basketball or hockey for the remaining three quarters. That's what it means to change sports.
i don't know much about sports, but in response to the post before, that part of the abyss (and that part only) has ALWAYS weirded me out and interested me to no end.
Hey Jess, the problem with that sentence was I meant "to" instead of "the" before "change." Whoops.
What about fantasy congres??
yrbkkhhz
could fantasy congress be considered a legit athletic competition? Or does it just have to be sporting to make the cut?
and Ben, this is rivaling last week's pick at best post ever. How do you do it?
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