My Heroes

Many of you who read this probably think of me as a sticky ball of sarcasm not unlike a giant wad of Bubblicious. There's more to me than irreverence, though. A large part of me is love. To continue with the chewing gum metaphor, I'm half Bubblicious, half Wrigley's.

I don't know exactly where I was going with that, but here's a segment on people who I admire.

Dick Vermeil


Sure, he's a good football coach, but he's also got feelings. The man's not afraid to cry, and that's cool. He cried when he won the championship. He cried at a lot of games. He just loves football that much. You have to respect that. And those sunglasses are awesome.

Robert E. Lee


It takes a great man to become the greatest general of his time, blow one of the most important battles of the war, and honorably surrender the war to the enemy. My favorite story of his life: Lincoln asked him to join the North, and he said no. Where's your Emancipation Proclomation now?

Chiang Kai-Shek


I'll just come out and say it: in many ways, I prefer Mao Tse-Tung. The guy had ideas, and he followed through with him. It's not his fault that his policies killed millions of citizen, is it? Well, maybe it is. Anyway, Chiang wins because he isn't (indirectly) responsible for the murder of his own people, and he brought the freedom-loving Chinese to a tiny island that we lovingly refuse to acknowledge as an independent state, known as Taiwan.

Butros Butros Gali


What a name.

The Ultimate Warrior


When I watched wrestling that one time when I was 8, this was my guy. He never talked (as far as I remember), and if he did, it was in primitive grunts. Then he whooped ass. That's a role model right there. It's what I've aspired to ever since.

Bill


This is just because I feel forced to ackowledge the election on election day. I appreciate our legal system, sort of, and I appreciate it the most through song. Unfortunately, I didn't grow up with School House Rocks; I grew up with The Simpsons, so I ended up jaded and sarcastic. And here we are. Just remember, "There are limits to our liberty, at least I hope and pray that there are because those liberal freaks go too far."