Dear Boyfriend,
I'm really sorry to do this, but we're through. I know I wanted to get back together, and I wrote "Unbreak My Heart" and requested it all the time on the radio until you came back to me, but it was a mistake. There were and still are a lot of irreconcilable differences between us that made us break up, and I guess I was blind to all that when I wrote that song. Maybe I should have just gotten over it. Again, I'm really sorry, but this will be for the best.
Now I know this might be even harder for you, but I'm keeping all of your stuff. You moved in here, and now your stuff is on my property. You probably should have thought things through a little better before you moved out of your parents' house. And I know how much you love your boa constrictor, but Rex is mine now too, and I plan on training him to kill you if you come within 500 feet of here.
Sincerely,
Toni Braxton
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