Most of you don't know this about me, but it's been my dream since childhood to be the NBA MVP. Year after year I get denied, and it's starting to get discouraging. But people keep saying that LeBron James still hasn't hit his prime, and he's only 22. So maybe since I'm two years older than him, I'm just hitting my prime. That's right, this is gonna be my year.
Some of the more sensible among you might tell me that my chances are slim because I'm not actually in the NBA. And then there may be some of you who have played basketball with me before who would point out that I'm in no way competitive at level of the game, due to my poor endurance, sub-.100 shooting percentage, and atrocious ball-handling skills. But if I let that stuff get to me, I'd never have a chance.
The thing that sets me apart from the rest of this year's MVP candidates is my winning attitude. But in case they have a winning attitude too, I have a better Plan B. While Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, and LeBron might rely on their skills and team-first style of play, they won't see me coming when I kidnap them and chain them in my sub-basement. And I'm willing to imprison as many NBA stars as I have to, even if me and Mark Madsen are the only people left in the whole league.
The trophy is as good as mine. Maybe I'll make my first all-star team too.
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