Just now, part of me thought it would be a good idea to write about filling my office with scorpions. A slightly different part of me thought it would be a good idea to write about filling the office with gummi bears instead, but the original part of me insisted that if I did write about that, I'd also have to write about spraying all the gummi bears with apple juice to make them sticky and gross.
For a while I thought that part of me just wanted attention. Now I'm pretty sure he's just a jerk. Seriously. And let's not get confused--the funny part of me is actually a different part entirely, but this jerk part keeps teaming up with him and making him do things he wouldn't normally do. I'm just happy that they never ended up in jail. I know I couldn't afford bail.
Whatever happens, this is not going down like Fight Club. I don't care how much a jerk or subsersive communist this part of me becomes, he can blow up all the buildings in New York he wants and I'm just gonna eat vegetables like nothing's going on. Take that, America.
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