We're now on Day Three of the coldest year in all of history, and there's no sign of it ever warming up. I think on Day One we only had single digit temperatures, but now we're down to the double digits. I just verified that on a weather site--we're sitting at a chilly -57 degrees F right now. I don't think that includes the windchill, only because I'm pretty sure it's too cold for there to be wind.
Here are a few things that have especially disappointed me about this coldness. I mean, the cold is bad enough, but then there's all this:
-Canada's entire population has migrated south to my country, the United States. Now I was never one to notice the difference between our two countries, but I am outraged that this line has been crossed. I propose we ship them to Alaska, which isn't really part of the US anyway.
-My car is frozen in a block of ice. I seriously thought this only happened in cartoons. How can my car freeze in a block of ice when there's nothing to shape the ice into a block? And where did all that water come from? Whatever. I'm not going to argue with science.
-The ice gremlins are out. These guys are jerks. Mostly they just sit on the sidewalk and spit at me as I walk by, but I saw one steal some guy's hat. That was uncool.
It's times like these that I wish I lived in a volcano.
1 comment:
Shipping the Canadians to Alaska would be counter-productive, since Alaska is farther north than where many of those poor folks to the north were from in the first place. I propose sending hundreds of thousands of Americans north across the border yearly with the goal of eventually owning and controlling Canada; just like the Mexicans are doing to us. However, the only benefit I can see of controlling Canada would be the extra gold medals we would win at the winter Olympics.
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