The Belly of a Whale

First let me say that this is WAY better than the moon. A little humid, but humidity I can deal with. Plus, blowhole, which is always fun.

But before we get all gung-ho on the whale belly, I have to let you know that you, my friend, have been nothing but a jerk all day. I've been so kind and generous, I invited you down to the swamp, and we could have had a party, lived forever, and enjoyed the swampiness together until the sun melted. I'm not usually like that with everybody, but I was with you.

And then you have to run off to the tallest mountain in Africa, knowing full well that I'm too fat to climb mountains, without so much as a wave goodbye. Even if I was with you, you probably would have gone too fast for me to keep up. I bet you wouldn't even have taken a break if I wanted to get a Dr. Pepper. You probably don't even know how much I love Dr. Pepper. A lot, that's how much.

Thankfully I did catch up with you, but as soon as I try to feed the giraffes, you shoot up to the moon somehow. I could have dealt with the whole Kilamanjaro thing, but the moon took it too far. That made it obvious that you really don't like me. I can imagine the thought process: "Hmm...where can I go to get away from this butthole who keeps wanting me to go to his stupid swamp? I know, I'll go to the nearest place that can't possibly sustain human life! The moon!"

But now we're in the belly of a whale, which is pretty nice. Really, pal, good choice on this one. Sort of reminds me of the swamp, actually.