In the Spirit of Returned Internet and Something Like Three Days Without Blogging

I've been without internet for the past six hours. So now is time to celebrate!

Let's talk about what happened this weekend. But I don't want to be like, "So I went to the store and bought some rice and then I cooked the rice and cleaned my toilet..." so I'm going to put it in fictional narrative form. I'm sure it won't make any sense, but what does?

It all began with the rain, and then the rain stopped, but everything else kept going. And then it started raining again, but that wasn't until later. It rained when I drove to church, and it rained during church. When church was over, it kept raining, and the creek rose to new levels and nearly sunk a few cars. When the rain stopped and the creek retreated, it was muddy to walk on and I nearly slipped and fell, which would have been especially bad considering the zombies. They, the zombies, didn't start chasing me until I left the church--perhaps symbolic?--and they chased me for the rest of the weekend. They even came to the party I went to, and they danced a lot and made out with the least interesting people. Some of them stayed when I left because zombies get drunk easily, and I wouldn't let them drive. On Father's Day, the zombies mostly backed off. It might have been because I was playing with rabbits. I ate the chickens and the fish, but I played with the rabbits. That was the rule. And afterwards, I traveled back in time to roughly four weeks earlier and was nearly crushed by a jet engine.