Dear afore-mentioned magazine and magazine-related enterprises,
Why did you send me an invitation to subscribe to your periodical? Usually people (or entities pretending to be people (or loan sharks pretending to be entities pretending to be people)) preface their requests for my money with a kindly worded letter explaining why my money would be happier with them. You, New York Review of Books, offend me in not doing so. Aside from the blatant social disregard, I can't even understand your invoice. What am I to make of this "Professional Rate" you offer me? Why is it special? What about my personality recommends me to the professional rate as opposed to the apprentice rate or the amateur rate? No, New York Review of Books, I refuse to subscribe until you can adequately address these concerns. Thank you for your time.
Ben
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