Lesser Known Holidays

Being that today is Valentine's Day for many of us, and being that Valentine's Day tends to be a scourge to many of us, I'd like to invite everyone to celebrate the lesser known holidays of February 14th.

Mormon Governance Day: On this day in 1835, the first Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was established as the governing body of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Today we celebrate in rigid tradition the confusion and nonsense of this church body.

Presidential Photography Day: President James K. Polk became the first U.S. President to be photographed on February 14th, 1849, so today presidential enthusiasts and laypeople alike gather together all the pictures of presidents they can find and make collages.

Oregon Day: Exactly 148 years ago today, Oregon entered our great union as the 33rd state, just in time for the Civil War. Oregon natives celebrate this day with little to no enthusiasm.

Arizona Day: Exactly 95 years ago today, Arizona entered our great union as the 48th state, missing the Civil War by approximately 50 years and establishing their heritage as an embarrassment to America.

Valentine's Day Massacre Day: In 1929 several gangsters celebrate Valentine's Day by murdering seven rival gangsters. Much like men and women in love celebrate their hearts, those in gangs celebrate this bloodbath.

Currency Decimalization Day: On February 14th, 1966, Australia introduced the decimal point to their currency system, thus making them seem slightly less like savages. The decimal point was left out for so long because many Australians believed dots were haunted. Today they celebrate by burning effigies of Satan.