The Nation of Unspar, Part 2

(The Nation of Unspar, Part 1)

It's been a long time since I've been to my home country, the Nation of Unspar. Shortly after the country voted to make Spanish the national language, everything went to hell. The economy collapsed, we had four to five coups in less than six weeks (five if you count the two coups that happened on the same day), and the water supply became unsavory. I applied for citizenship in the United States and left my once beautiful homeland.

Today I returned to see if anything has changed. I couldn't believe what I found.

Over the 9 months I've been gone, the Nation of Unspar became more ridiculous than most people could imagine. After setting the record for most coups in a month (August 2006: 131 coups), most of them violent, the nation dissolved and reunited 12 times. Upon its most recent reunion, the government enacted several "protective" measures to prevent future dissolution. These measures include requirements that every private business and residence fly each of the country's 14 flags, one for each of the letters in the words "Nation of Unspar," under penalty of death; a bimonthly celebration called "Pineapple Day," the purpose and meaning of which are still being debated; and the illegalization of domesticated mammals (birds are apparently OK). There are also several conflicting laws regarding the conduct of gravity on the books, and I was arrested twice for breaking at least half of them.

After I left, the Nation of Unspar boasted two citizens, and the population remained steady until December when one of the citizens got a girlfriend. At different times each of the three proceded secede from the union and found hostile nations. The most succesful of these rogue states was the Nation of Clean Dishes, which began when one of the original citizens refused to wash the dishes until the others decided to pitch in for dishwasher. The nation collapsed after two months due to heavy economic sanctions. The least succesful was called simply "Hand," founded by the girlfriend when they broke up one afternoon. The two remaining citizens were forced into three-party talks with Hand, and these were unfruitful at first. Hand would not engage in dialogue; it would only demand that it be talked to because the face would not listen. Friendly relations were restored later that evening.

Apparently, though, people are learning Spanish faster than expected.