An Interesting Theory

So I'm hanging out doing what I usually do at work--nothing--when I discover an interesting idea posited by someone I don't know and have probably never met. His name is Kevin Sawyer, and for a while I thought he was funny until I discovered he mostly wrote about politics. But what caught my eye was this:

Is there a direct correlation between the consonant/vowel ratio in a person's name and the extent to which I respect that person?

An interesting idea, and I figure this was worth exploring in greater depth.

Let's take a handful of people and look at their consonant percentage:

Mohandas Gandhi = 65%
Emily Dickinson = 61%
Josef Stalin = 63%
Claude Monet = 54%
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart = 62%
Mike Jones = 55%
Ted Danson = 67%
Marie Curie = 40%
Gustav Klimt = 73%
Thomas Jefferson = 67%

Hmm...inconclusive. Let's try people I know.

Christine Grue = 61%
Dan Robison = 60%
Mark Waller = 70%
Dan Marfield = 63%
Bunkhuon Chhun = 69%
Rachel Shubatt = 71%
Sarah Goodspeed = 57%
Sara Daly = 56%
Konstantin Davydov = 68%
William Hines = 58%
Flipper = 71%

Hmm...still don't get it. Let's rank them highest consonant ratio to lowest.

1. Gustav Klimt
2. Rachel Shubatt
3. Flipper
4. Mark Waller
5. Bunkhuon Chhun
6. K-Pax
7. Thomas Jefferson
8. Ted Danson
9. Mohandas Gandhi
10. Dan Marfield
11. Josef Stalin
12. Mozart
13. Christine Grue
14. Emily Dickinson
15. Dan Robison
16. William Hines
17. Sarah Goodspeed
18. Sara Daly
19. Mike Jones
20. Claude Monet
21. Marie Curie

Aha! At last I understand! These rankings prove without question that this was an enormous waste of my time.