Let Me Tell You About a Man Called Jerkface

Last night I went to see a movie, but that's beside the point. Before the movie, me and my buddy Dan were talking as a pair of people is apt to do before a movie, and some guy turns around and asks us to be quiet. His near-exact words were, "Could you guys keep it down? We can hardly hear what's going on now. Thanks."

Let me set the scene for you a little more clearly. The movie advertisers had just finished showing us sensationalized blurbs on United 93 and The Sentinel, and a Coca Cola ad was just getting started. It was not necessary to be able to hear this particular Coca Cola. This was all before the previews.

There are a few things I would have liked to say to this guy.
1) We are watching advertisements. You don't need to hear advertisements.
2) The movie will be louder than the ads. You will have no problem hearing the movie.
3) We, like most movie patrons, plan to talk before the film begins, but we will cease our conversation once the film begins because we came to watch it, not talk through it.

Unfortunately, my jaw had dropped too far open, and I was unable to reply. It didn't really matter, though, because we resumed our conversation five seconds later. Because we are Americans.